Student Wellbeing

Quality Questions = Quality Connections

HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

The moment we ask that question, we inadvertently dive into a pool of regret! Why? Because the response is unsurprisingly similar to other unenthusiastic and monotone responses we’ve received when asking ‘that’ question in the past.

But the bottom line is, we absolutely do want to know how our teenager’s day was, of course we do. So here’s a few alternative questions to help you find out more.

The key is to make questions really good quality. What does this mean you ask?

When we are talking with teens, a good quality question has three parts that prove to be helpful in opening dialogue and keeping conversation real and more free flowing.

GOOD QUALITY QUESTIONS are –

Void of WHY

Teenagers are quite sensistive to this tiny word, because they’ve often been conditioned to think this word calls for them to explain themselves or their actions. ‘WHY’ often triggers a defensive reaction and may contribute to communication cracks, so it’s best we use it sparingly.

Intended to connect and lean in to what’s going on in your teenager’s life. Questions may look and sound like this-
I know Thursday is your double maths day. You look exhausted, how did you go getting through it all without a break?
I was thinking of you at 9.50 when you were starting your science test. Was it what you expected or were there some curve balls in there?
How was the assembly this morning? I remember you saying it was really cramped last time. Did you manage to have enough space to stretch your legs?

Open and inviting, loose and relaxed.

Questions which are open, cleverly leave little room for closed YES or NO responses. Rather, they invite chit chat and free flow conversation, placing less emphasis on correct or incorrect answers. This is a handy tip as it helps nurture relationships and takes the pressure off possible conversation performance anxiety, which can cause emotional shut-down and loss of conversation confidence.
Questions which are loose and more relaxed, are more slowly paced so there is time to pause to be reflective in thought, which can organically squeeze out any demand for instant answers, which can add pressure and bring conversations and connection to a screeching halt.

Changing and tweaking our question style takes time, patience, practice and of course there will be some mishaps along the way. As we practice, we usually start to notice slight shifts in the way we talk with our teens and hopefully as a result, our conversations become more rich.

Enjoy creating quality questions and making better connections with your boys and each other.

If you would like to have a conversation with the School Counsellor about matters of wellbeing and mental health, you are welcome to call or email me on: 9575 8135 or gvlamakis@sjcbe.catholic.edu.au

(This article is reprinted from a blog post of parenting expert Claire Eaton from https://www.claireeaton.com.au/quality-questions-better-connections)

George Vlamakis

Student Counsellor