Counsellor's Corner

How we deal with feeling ‘we’re not enough’

Sometimes, when we compare ourselves to ideas out there about what a successful life is it brings a sense of ‘failure’ or ‘not being enough’. We have gathered together a collection of stories of how we try to deal with this. This is an ongoing thing. Some of us feel that we haven’t really been able to deal with this pressure of feeling ‘not enough’ and didn’t contribute a story. But the following stories offer a start...

Congratulating myself on the small steps and pretending I am awesome.

“There are some days that I don’t want to leave my room because I don’t look how you should look and I feel I’m not good enough, I still really struggle with that. Sometimes on those days, I can pretend that I’m awesome. Sometimes on those days, I can pretend that I’m smashing it, and I can almost believe it. It can be legit. When I’m having one of those days where I’m not feeling good enough, I think it’s the best feeling in the world to get up and dressed and out of the house. Then I congratulate myself for the steps I have taken, I think it’s so important to congratulate ourselves for the small everyday things; ‘that’s so good you got out of bed’, ‘that’s great you got out of the house today’. Sometimes we can feel like we don’t deserve it but it’s treating myself with as much kindness as I can.”

Not conforming to society is not going to hurt me that much

“Something that I think is very important to do is to try not to impress people because at the end of the day, you’re the one who’s got to live with yourself. When I think of the ideas I have for what success is, I don’t know where they have come from. Like my parents have told me you don’t have to do anything, just do what makes you happy. Now I realise that not conforming to society is not going to hurt me that much. For example, I didn’t go to Uni after finishing year 12, I felt the pressure to do this. Now I know there are other options like going to TAFE, finding work, going back to Uni when I have more life experience.” 

 If I started noticing these things I wake up

“I think of all the people I’ve seen who don’t qualify as ‘successful’ and I think, ‘if others can be comfortable with not qualifying then so can I. I have learned to ask myself questions like, ‘Am I doing it for myself?’ and, ‘Why do I have to make others comfortable?’ If I have to change myself for people, I don’t think it’s worth it to be with those people. It is easier said than done, but if I start noticing these things, these ideas of popularity or success, I wake up.”

I let people help me

“Halfway through my last year at school, I got sick. ‘At the end of the year, my friends were going to schoolies and were generally celebrating. I felt so alone and thought that I’d be doing nothing for the rest of my life, I lost all my friends – and I’ve never seen them again. It was such an awful time of my life. Yet I got into TAFE and I was really good at practical things, I started to rebuild my life. I think that the skill I used to make it to this place was accepting my support networks. I let people help me, this took the time I must admit. Sometimes when it is hard to get up, a person in my support network can knock on my window and help me get out of bed.”

(Collected by David Newman. A Dulwich Centre project)