From the Head of Junior School

Dear Parents and Carers of the St Gregory’s College family,

This week marks the end of Week 8 – our eighth week as a school offering remote learning and it is safe to say, that it is not the term that we had expected. I acknowledge the struggles that many of you face daily with the delicate balance of work and schooling. Once again, I would like to express how impressed I am with the support of the College community. St Gregory’s College is such a special place and one that I am so proud to be a part of. Thank you for all you are doing to support your child through these difficult times – it is truly appreciated!

Social-Emotional Learning

If this whole pandemic has taught me anything, it is the power of relationships, in particular the power of human interaction. Today, I write with some guidance that I have been provided through ‘raising children’ in regards to social-emotional learning. This is by no means a recipe for all families and all children, but provides some advice in navigating uncertain times and in particular the importance of self-esteem in your children.

Self-Esteem – the Basics

Self-esteem is about liking yourself and who you are. This doesn’t mean being overconfident – just believing in yourself and knowing what you do well. 

For children, self-esteem comes from: 

• knowing that they’re loved and that they belong to a family and a community that values them
• spending quality time with their families
• being encouraged to try new things, finding things they’re good at and being praised for things that are important to them.

The most important thing you can do to foster your child’s self-esteem, is to tell your child that you love them. Say it often and for no reason other than to show you appreciate your child. 

Relationships, connections, belonging and your child’s self-esteem

Being connected to other people who care about them is good for your child’s self-esteem. It gives them a stronger sense of place in their immediate and extended family. Being connected to friends and people in the community helps your child learn how to relate to others and can boost their confidence. This has been the challenge through lockdown – no opportunity  to be with their friends. I know that my children have really struggled in the past weeks with this lack of connection with their social world.

Here are some ideas for nurturing your child’s self-esteem through relationships: 

• Strengthen your child’s sense of their family, culture and community. For example, show your child family photos and share family stories.
• Encourage your child to value being part of your family. One way to do this is by involving your child in chores. When everyone contributes to the smooth running of the household, you all feel important and valued.
• Encourage your child to have friends to connect with whether this is by Zoom, House Party etc. so that they feel connected.

Quality time and your child’s self-esteem

When you spend quality time with your child you let them know they’re important to you. Doing things together as a family can help strengthen a sense of belonging and togetherness in your family, which is also good for your child’s self-esteem. 

Here are some ideas: 

• Develop family rituals. These could include a story at bedtime, a special goodbye kiss or other ways of doing things that are special to your family.
• Let your child help you with something so that they feel useful. For example, your child could help you set the table for dinner.
• Plan some regular one-on-one time with your child, doing something they enjoy, whether it’s drawing, doing puzzles, kicking a soccer ball or baking cakes.

Achievements, challenges and your child’s self-esteem

Success and achievements can help your child feel good about themselves. But your child can also build self-esteem doing things they don’t always enjoy or succeed at. You can still praise their effort and determination – and remind them that these will help them succeed in other areas, or next time. 

There are lots of ways to help your child succeed, achieve and cope well with failure: 

• When your child has a problem, encourage them to think calmly, listen to other people’s points of view and come up with possible solutions to try. This builds important life skills.
• Help your child learn new things and achieve goals. When your child is younger, this might mean praising and encouraging when they learn something new, like riding a bike.
• Celebrate big and small achievements and successes. And remember to praise your child’s effort, not just the results. For example, ‘You tried that puzzle piece in lots of different spots and you finally got it right. Well done!’.
• Keep special reminders of your child’s successes and progress. You can go through them with your child and talk about your special memories, and the things they have achieved.
• Teach your child that failing is a part of learning. For example, if they keep missing the ball when learning to catch, say ‘You’re getting closer each time. I can see how hard you’re trying to catch it’.
• Teach your child to treat themselves kindly when they fail. You could be a role model here. For example, ‘I tried a new recipe, and the cake looks a bit funny. But that’s OK. It smells delicious’.

Things that can damage children’s self-esteem

Messages that say something negative about children are bad for their self-esteem – for example, ‘You are slow, naughty, a bully, a sook …’. When children do something you don’t like, it’s better to tell them what they could do instead. For example, ‘You haven’t done your work. You need to sit down now and finish your maths questions’. 

Ignoring children, treating them as a nuisance and not taking an interest in them are likely to be bad for children’s self-esteem. An example might be, ‘I am sick and tired of you’. Frowning or sighing all the time when children want to talk to you might have the same effect. 

Negative comparisons with other children, especially brothers and sisters, are also unlikely to be helpful. Each child in your family is different, with individual strengths and weaknesses. It’s better if you can recognise each child’s successes and achievements.  

Adapted from https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/understanding-behaviour/about-self-esteem 

We are all looking forward to getting back to normal with school and work. In the meantime, stay strong, be positive and know that this tough time will be short-term and we will be coming out of this together. 

As our St Gregory’s College motto states, ‘You will reap what you sow’.

Joel Weekes

Head of Junior School