Respectful Relationships

How to encourage boys to break free of outdated rules on how to be a man, build respectful relationships and lead healthier lives.

Wantirna College is committed to ensuring all our students have the opportunity to grow into thriving, successful adults. Through the Respectful Relationships program we encourage our staff, students and parent community to examine behaviour through a gender lense, to ensure the culture of our College reflects our value of Respect in terms of gender equality. 

Key messages

• Most people want boys to be respectful, helpful and kind, but many find society imposes outdated rules of how to be a man.
• These outdated rules include looking a certain way, being tough or in control, and hiding feelings.
• A survey of 1000 Australians showed that men who try to live up to these outdated rules are more likely to report poorer mental health; use or experience of violence; and sexual harassment towards women. 

VicHealth has developed two videos, one for young men and boys and the other for schools, sports organisations and youth workers who work with boys and men to build respectful relationships, support gender equality and achieve health and wellbeing. 

The videos promote acceptance of people whoever they are, free from gender stereotypes, and a society where boys and men feel comfortable to seek and receive support. 

Why it’s important to break free of outdated rules?

To live healthy, fulfilled lives, boys and men need environments where they can show their feelings, ask for help and feel confident to call out disrespect. This is important, not just for boys and men, but for everyone.

Research shows there is pressure on men to live up to outdated rules of what it means to be a man. And, when men can’t live up to these expectations, they can experience negative feelings and emotions and have poorer attitudes.

This contributes to anxiety, depression and violence against women.

If boys and men can break free of judgement and outdated stereotypes, everyone benefits. And, we can build a safer, more equal society.

Tips on raising boys to be healthy men

Leading girls’ rights agency Plan International Australia has developed 9 tips to help parents guide their boys to view masculinities in a healthy way.

1. Encourage personal expression with toys. Introduce boys to a range of toys and activities, including those that are ‘gender neutral’ and thought of as ‘for girls’.
2. Use play to define positive values. Show through role play that being able to express a range of emotions, including being afraid, or compassionate and caring, is positive for both boys and girls.
3. Challenge harmful stereotypes around clothes. Encourage boys to be their authentic selves by allowing them to experiment with fashion and self-expression.
4. Be clear about consent. Let boys know they have to ask permission to touch others, and they have the right to say no if they don’t want to be touched. Find media with good role models. Choose books, TV shows and media that break gender norms by showing boys and girls who have interests and emotions that challenge stereotypes.
5. Speak up when you hear disrespect. If family or friends say something problematic around your son, speak up in that moment and have a conversation about values.
6. Find positive role models. Identify role models in your family, community or media who demonstrate healthy, respectful ways to be a boy or man.
7. Talk the talk. Help boys feel supported that they won’t be judged for sharing their concerns or fears, and encourage them to empathise and connect with others.
8. Walk the walk. Challenge your own perceptions of gender roles and model behaviours you want to encourage.

We look forward to the continuing journey of our college community in the Respectful Relationships program during 2021 and beyond. 

Sandra Middleton

Respectful Relationships Co Ordinator.