College Counsellor

There are so many things to get stressed out about…

Is my child eating enough? Eating too much?

Is my child on screens too much? How do I get them off their screen?

Is my child too assertive? Not assertive enough?

Will my child make friends? Did my child make the “right friends”?

How do I get them to do their homework? Is my child “normal”? Should I get my child evaluated?

It makes sense that we worry about our kids. After all, our brains are wired to focus on negative things (this is called “negativity bias”). Our survival depends on us focusing on things that are going “wrong”, things that need to be changed and fixed. But worry and stress, while they might be a good catalyst to get into action, also have downsides. Being worried, means we’re probably less present with our child. Worry clouds our vision and we can’t see our child and the situation as it truly is. Worry makes us less effective as a parent, less flexible, less creative, and more rigid.

What’s the solution? Cecilia Hilkey from Happily Family shares in a short 1.55min video: When I find myself worrying and stressed, I ask myself these 4 questions.  Answering these 4 questions doesn’t change my situation, but it does change my perspective, and I’m suddenly more relaxed, better equipped to handle whatever stressful parenting situation is coming my way.

Self-Compassion

Does your child use negative self-talk?

Have you ever heard your child say…

“I’m never going to get it right.”

“Nobody likes me.”

“I’m stupid.”

“I’m ugly.”

“I hate myself.”

And yet, this same child might be so incredibly kind to other people. What about ourselves? Do we have a critical inner voice? So many of us, including our kids, are great at being supportive of others but feel uncomfortable being kind towards ourselves. Why?

It’s because we haven’t yet developed our self-compassion abilities. Self-compassion can free us from the critical thoughts and harsh self-judgments that often cause us to suffer or get stuck. And if we can role model self-compassion in our family and our lives, then it helps our kids be self-compassionate too!

Dr. Kristin Neff, Ph.D. and Dr. Chris Germer, Ph.D. are researchers and teachers of self-compassion, and they know just how people can change from negative self-talk and befriend themselves.

Dr. Kristin and Dr. Chris have a free   5-Day Self-Compassion Challenge.

Each day for five days, you’ll get a brief lesson and a practise. Sessions are just a few minutes long, so it’s a quick, easy way to begin applying this practice to your life.

Decades of research have shown that highly self-compassionate people are more motivated, more creative:

• More courageous in the face of risk
• Quicker to bounce back when they fail
• Have a greater sense of fulfillment
• Feel more satisfied at work and in their personal relationships