Managing Your Child's Anxiety

As the end of the school year nears closer, some students may begin to feel anxious. Below is an adapted article from one of Australia’s leading parent educators, Michael Grose, to assist anxiety in children.

Below this article, is an adapted article from Ariadne Brill, who provides 25 fun open-ended questions that encourage your child to talk about school.

In the last newsletter of the year we will include an article for the holidays, ‘Parenting Ideas – Holiday Survival Guide’.

If your child feels anxious, reassure them that these feelings are a normal response to new people, events or potentially challenging situations. Help your child understand that there is a great deal they can do to manage their anxious feelings, so they can get on with the activities they enjoy.

Explain anxiety

If your child is anxious they may struggle to explain how they feel. An important first step in anxiety self-management is explaining to your child how anxiety works.

Teach your child that the part of the brain that protects them from danger (the amygdala – pronounced ahh-mig-dah-la), is always on high alert when they are anxious
Explain that the amygdala sees danger where there is none, but the body prepares to fight for life or flee from danger as if it’s protecting them from a hungry lion
Discuss that the amygdala can’t differentiate between a hungry lion and public speaking or some other task they must face
Talk about the changes that happen in their body to power them up to fight or flee, including increased heart and breathing rates and the pumping of the blood from the stomach to the arms and legs, which can cause nausea

Help recognise anxiety-inducing events

There are many things that can evoke anxiety in your child, including:

Stressful events
Life changes
Transitions
Difficult experiences
New or unfamiliar situations

Help your child to recognise the specific situations and events that make them feel anxious such as meeting new friends, sitting tests and fear of rejection. In this way you can help your child manage and minimise their feelings of anxiety.

Respond with empathy

When your child feels anxious, the part of the brain that controls rational thinking, decision-making and concentration temporarily goes offline. They can feel easily overwhelmed by simple, everyday events and situations. Rather than protecting your child by allowing them to avoid meeting these challenges, or dismissing them as trivial, validate their feelings with statements such as:

“I can see you’re feeling worried about going to camp without your brother.”
“Thanks for telling me you feel nervous about the test. It’s understandable.”
“I see you’re really anxious about this right now. I know it’s hard for you.”

Resist the temptation to rescue or fix a situation. Respond with empathy and understanding to your child’s concerns.

Manage anxious moments

Help your child develop the tools to regulate and push their anxious feelings to the background. Practise these anxiety management tools when your child is feeling calm, and it will be easier for them to practise when they are nervous. These include:

Taking some deep breaths: Deep belly breathing from the diaphragm calms the amygdala, reducing feelings of anxiousness
Bringing their attention back to the present: Use their senses to bring their attention to the present moment and away from their worries – “Tell me five things you see, four things you hear and something you smell.”
Getting them moving: Physical exercise is not only a great distraction but it releases feel-good endorphins that help children and young people feel better and more optimistic about the future.
Defusing their thoughts: Anxious thoughts can get stuck, refusing to budge no matter or how unwanted they are. Help your child to distance themselves from their thoughts by placing distancing statements in front of their thoughts. Replace “I’m going to fail the test” with “I had a thought that I’m going to fail the test.” Rather than changing their thinking, assist your child distance themselves from unhelpful thoughts.

Get the fundamentals right

Sufficient sleep, good nutrition and exercise are essential for anxious kids. Support your child to adhere to their optimal bedtime so they wake naturally each morning, reduce sugar, take care of their gut health through good nutrition and encourage regular exercise for optimal mental health.

There is a great deal you can do to help your child manage their anxiety. Start by assisting your child to understand the fundamentals of anxiety, show your genuine understanding of their feelings and be ready to support them emotionally to push their anxiety to the background.

Michael Grose

Michael Grose, founder of Parenting Ideas, is one of Australia’s leading parenting educators. He’s the author of 12 books for parents including Spoonfed Generation and the best-selling Why First Borns Rule the World and Last Borns Want to Change It. His latest release Anxious Kids, was co-authored with Dr Jodi Richardson.

Sourced from www.parentingideas.com.au/ sited 21/11/2019

25 Questions That Get Kids to Talk About School

Does this ever happen to you when your child comes home from school and you are curious about their day and you have lots of questions to ask, so you get started:

“Hi! How was school today?”

“Fine.” Your child says, already grabbing a book, tablet, snack etc…

…and then the conversation is over.

Below are mix of questions that are fun and open ended. You’ll also find some more serious questions to help you talk about tough topics.

1. What was your favourite part about school today?

2. What activity did you like the most today? And the least?

3. What did you think of the first activity you did today?

4. If you could do any moment at school over today, what would it look like?

5. What was the funniest thing that happened in your class today?

6. Which activity did you feel most confident about today?

7. What is your favourite Specialist Class and why?

8. What’s the most interesting thing you heard at school today?

9. If you could change just ONE thing about school, what would that be?

10. What made you laugh/worry/smile in school today?

11. What 3 words would you use to describe your best friend in school?

12. What did you do at lunch time today?

13. If you had $1,000 to buy something for your school, what would you buy and where would you put it?

14. What qualities do you like most about your teacher?

15. What is something your teacher said to you today that you are still thinking about?

16. If you could put a spell on your teacher and change tomorrow’s lessons, what would you make the learning all about?

17. Who did you play with/talk with at school today?

18. What is one of your friend’s favorite part of school? Is that the same for you or different?

19. If a famous person could come to teach a class at your school, who would that be and what would they teach?

20. What parts of school today went by the fastest? Slowest?

21. When I went to school there was some students who didn’t make the right choices all the time and sometimes they made others feel sad. Have your ever seen this at your school? What can you do if this happens?

22. What is one thing you have learnt at school this year you think you will remember forever?

23. Was there anything you wanted to learn more about today but didn’t have time to ask the teacher about?

24. What is your favorite spot in your school/classroom?

25. What are you looking forward to learning at school tomorrow/this month/this year?

Ariadne BrillAriadne is a happy and busy mum to three children. She practices peaceful, playful, responsive parenting and is passionate about all things parenting and chocolate. Ariadne has a Masters in Psychology and is a certified Positive Discipline Parenting Educator. She lives on top of a beautiful mountain with her family, and one cuddly dog.

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