We Need to Calm Down, But do we Know How?

In 2017 I had the privilege of attending the Year 6 graduation service and it was a wonderful opportunity to celebrate all that the students had achieved during their Primary years. I was delighted to see some students my team worked with over the years, standing on the stage proudly performing their graduation song. 

Conducted by the amazing David Bonfa, that song was ‘My Lighthouse’ by Rend Collective and I still remember the students’ beautiful voices singing these words: 

“I won't fear what tomorrow brings. With each morning I'll rise and sing 

My God's love will lead me through. You are the peace in my troubled sea”

These students are now in Year 12 and as I reflect on how the world has changed in that time, I am conscious that for many of these students the world feels increasingly unsafe.

What marketers, news sources, advertisers and entertainment producers have discovered, is that feeding into people’s fears draws societal attention. 

Of late, this fear focused content seems to be about social isolation, peer group rejection, loneliness, health anxieties, cost of living pressures, body insecurities and general uncertainty about the future. We need to consider the potential effects of absorbing so much of this type of content. 

In his 2022 book ‘A Non-Anxious Presence’, Senior Pastor and author Mark Sayers described modern Australian society as being enveloped in a spreading wave of anxiety that perpetuates being reactive:

As a network is swamped by chronic anxiety, it is marked by reactivity. Those within the system no longer act rationally, but rather, high emotion becomes the dominant form of interaction…it becomes nearly impossible to gain any distance from an issue; reaction, hurt, and high emotions replace contemplation and thoughtfulness. Reflection is replaced by reactivity.

To live in a state of constant reactivity, where your energy is utilised bouncing from one source of anxiety to another is exhausting. The ability to reflect on something, if hindered by a heightened state of anxiety, means rational thinking is switched off biologically. If students are immersed in this reactive and anxious environment it can leave them feeling completely overwhelmed, particularly if they are not equipped with the necessary skills to calm themselves. 

As counsellors at DCC we have all noticed an increase in students struggling to cope with commonplace school events. This might be a test or exam, a camp or the everyday ups and downs of friendships. If you were to unpack the level of stress that each of these events can place on an individual, it may seem benign, and yet their ability to cope with these events seems compromised to an extent we’ve never seen before. 

Key leaders of teaching and learning across all age groups are reporting a lack of emotional regulation skills. Students may know they need to calm down, but they don’t know how. Now more than ever, as a community supporting these students, we need to help equip them. 

In 2023 our team invited counsellors, youth workers and psychologists from around Melbourne to join professional training events during the school holidays. This group of individuals has been named The Children’s and Youth Counsellors Network and collectively we determined this phenomenon is certainly not unique to DCC. 

Across the board we are seeing many more students needing to leave class to de-escalate, breaking down in high pressure situations, lashing out at loved ones and even periods of school refusal. On the flip side, we have also noticed some students have incredible capacity to cope with stress.

It seems the biggest difference in determining whether a student copes well with stress or not, is reflected in what they do when feeling overwhelmed and where they turn for help.

1)    We can encourage young people to fight the urge to procrastinate and distract themselves from stress with busyness. Encourage them to bring anxious feelings to God, hand to Him the things that feel out of their control and focus on the small steps they can take to move forward.

2)    When the overstimulating effects of protracted screen time provides temporary relief from stress, we can be a ‘non-anxious presence’ and bring constancy and reassurance. Create a relationship of emotional safety where a young person can learn to share their burdens, rather than numbing with technology.

3)    Relying on substances such as alcohol and nicotine to deal with stressful emotions can create secondary problems. Encourage reflection around healthy self-care strategies, as this is a proven psychological intervention to prevent burnout, as well as enabling us to properly care for ourselves and others.

4)    Students may turn away from school completely as they battle intense anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed. We can encourage young people to face stressors with support from both school staff and loved ones. Strengthening resilience to stressors provides opportunity to grow, and forges skills to help manage other challenges later in life.

As a community of believers, we need to help our students learn how to cope. Pray God will comfort, guide and empower them to move safely through troubled waters. With good support around them and by knowing where to turn when challenges arise, our students may well discover they don’t have to merely react to and endure stress, but can cope with more than they thought possible.