Principal's Reflections
A newspaper article describing the daily life of one, John Williamson, took my eye. It seems he is a typical Aussie bloke… in the more derogatory use of that description. He likes a bit of a flutter on the horses, watching TV, going down to his Rugby League club each week…. “Do the ironing? No way!” cries John. “I draw the line at that!”
On the face of it, John seems the stereotypical sort of chap whom many love to hate. He doesn’t appear to fit the modern criteria for a sensitive, caring and sharing man and he’s surely not the sort of chap that we would want to encourage our daughters to marry…
Our judgement is too hasty though. Reading on in the article, we find that John stays at home to look after his three daughters while his wife goes to work. That was not particularly by choice, he says. “It just happened that way.” He does all the usual household chores (except the ironing!), the shopping and most of the cooking. John says that although he initially felt a little awkward among all the mothers at kinder and in the school canteen, his reward is being able to spend time with his kids. Incidentally, he cleans the house for an old lady up the road and also looks after his elderly mother.
So first impressions can be deceiving. John has a high parental commitment and you would certainly describe him as a nurturing dad. Not a perfect dad, perhaps, but certainly a “good enough” dad. And fortunately, there are a lot of “good enough” dads about.
Yes, there are a few bad dads, too - those who emotionally or physically abuse their children or their wife, or who are hardly ever around.
It’s important to remind ourselves, though, that dads (and mums) don’t have to be perfect. Mostly, we know they have their children’s’ best interests at heart.
It’s easy to lose heart as a parent and feel a sense of guilt and failure about our short-comings. Maybe it happens more to dads than to mums because the world is structured so that most dads have less opportunity to spend time with their children. Do you find that the situation is exacerbated when ‘daddy’s little girl’ grows into an adolescent? The rapport you thought you had seems to have vanished? You never seem to get it right? She is so moody and difficult to understand? A bit of good advice I heard recently might be helpful to dads in that situation (perhaps mums too…). When your daughter goes off the deep end about something, don’t think, “What’s the answer?” Think, “What’s the feeling?” Daughters aren’t usually looking for solutions. They are just looking for some sort of understanding or appreciation.
So, if you are in the midst of adolescent parenting woes, take heart from the fact that you don’t have to be a perfect dad. You’re probably a “good enough” dad.
Ms Michelle Crofts
Principal of Matthew Flinders Girls
