Tricky Friendship Days

Readers of my article each week are quick to surmise the kinds of issues I have been dealing with in the last fortnight. Teenagers can really struggle when friendships go wrong. A disagreement or fight is quickly labelled as “bullying” when this could not be further from the truth.

Fighting with a friend, while painful, is not bullying. It crosses the line when there is no resolution between parties, others get involved, and the issue festers (and sometimes is described in social media posts).

Relatively small issues, like not being invited to a party, a dirty look, a rumour, can arouse big, intense feelings in our kids. Because belonging is at stake, friendship challenges will always feel like a life-threatening experience – so be assured that most parents/carers find themselves dealing with powerful tears and shattering disappointments after tricky friendship days.

It is easy for both parents/carers and teachers to fall into the trap of trying to “dial down the drama” when our kids feel overwhelmed. However, minimising or dismissing strong feelings will only tend to ramp them up because our teenager’s brains seek to be heard and understood in the process of regulating. I’d also like to suggest that it denies our children the opportunity to master these big feelings. Our kids need to feel to practise the emotional regulation strategies they need to navigate life well.

I want to share three practical strategies that parents/carers can do to support their teenagers during these moments. Friendship challenges are an incredibly rich platform to help kids learn emotional regulation strategies, as well as social skills, and we want to capitalise on both as we coach them forward.

Strategy 1: Let's not fight the intensity

The more I learn about emotions the more I am in awe of our body’s way of coming up with solutions to discomfort, anguish and pain we experience. It doesn’t make any sense to judge that process but rather appreciate it. That’s why we want teenagers to know there are no bad or good emotions. There are only healthy emotions, and each one of them is an acceptable and necessary part of being human. Ideally, we want teenagers to feel safe to feel, without shame or guilt. This means accepting emotions within our home, in the same way we accept anything else about ourselves (or our experiences) that we cannot change - our age, our height, freckles or ears.

Strategy 2: Ask questions that empower

Although it’s tempting (and much quicker) to offer children prescription answers to friendship problems, it won’t help them in the long term. The problem with childhood conflict always being followed by adult intervention, is that kids can get into the habit of projecting their wishful thinking onto someone else who they perceive as being more powerful than they are.

If our children focus their energy on recruiting support rather than problem-solving, they miss vital learning opportunities. We are best to ask questions that express a sense of curiosity and empower them to take ownership.

Strategy 3: Find a positive expression

Whereas there are times that we suppress our painful emotions for our own survival, emotions are far better off moving through our kids rather than festering inside them.

A psychotherapist once wisely told me that children who have imaginations become their own play therapists. Play is a distraction that pulls kids out of their heads and into their bodies. Any type of play including immersing themselves in craft, participating in drama, dance, or sport, or building forts, slides and adventure courses are all helpful.

In closing

Home really is the hero in kids’ lives. It is the emotional shield from all that hurts us, bothers us, and tires us. It’s a place where love is tangible, and we are cared for in ways that make it easier for us to move back into the world with a soft heart. It’s the Utopia that we all yearn for and strive towards. When they feel disappointed, lost, afraid or disoriented it will be the predictability of home that continues to welcome them with open arms and wise words. As you implement these strategies, know you are offering your teenager the home they deserve.

First Sunday of advent: 27 November 2022

The readings for the First Sunday of Advent Year A speak of readiness for the coming of Jesus Christ. In the first reading we hear that God will establish His kingdom and we must be ready to walk in the light of God. In the second reading Paul warns us to be awake. In the gospel Jesus warns us not to be unprepared, as people were in the days of Noah. This is a time to prepare for our Lord to come into our hearts.

Be awake
Be ready
Be prepared to work
Things which are temporary vs permanent
Walking in the light.

Preparations for Christmas often involve putting up decorations, purchasing gifts, and making food. But these are not the only things we need to do to prepare for the coming of Jesus Christ. We need to prepare our hearts also.

The gospel tells us that we must think ahead. Eating and celebrating and being with families are not bad things. But if our hearts are not turned toward God, then we have missed the point.

So, as we prepare our homes and our hearts for Christmas, we must remember that the Lord is in our midst. He is in the child who doesn’t have any Christmas presents. He is in the homeless man who has nowhere to go for Christmas. So, to prepare for Christ, we need to make preparations for him in all of the places where we will encounter him during this holy season.

Reflection Questions for the First Sunday of Advent

What is my focus as I prepare for Christmas?
Do I see Christ in the people around me, particularly in the marginalized?
What else do I need to be ready for the coming of the Lord?

Happy Birthday to our Favourite Nonagenarian!

Last Wednesday we were proud to host Br Brian Berg, accompanied by Br Dan Stewart, for morning tea with the staff. What we didn’t tell him was that all our Berg House boys were going to give him a wonderful surprise!

Led by our Berg House Captain, Dominic Taffa, all the Berg boys formed a guard of honour for Br Berg as he made his way to the staff room to cut a special cake and mingle with our staff.

In an otherwise solemn week, this ray of sunshine reminded us all that we need to make the best of each day and be the change we want to see in the world. In the case of Br Berg, he is the first SPC Old Boy to become a Christian Brother, a milestone that we are all so proud of. He commenced teaching in 1961 and left a lasting legacy for thousands of boys. Br Berg- may you Luceat Lux Vestra for many more years to come!

Staff Leaving at the End of 2022

A number of staff are leaving us at the end of 2022. Some have been on temporary, short-term contracts, others have secured a promotional position elsewhere, a number are retiring, and a few are moving to a regional centre.

The temporary staff leaving at the end of 2022 are as follows:

Sonia Baroi (job-share in the Junior School)
Luke Newbury (Science Faculty)
Eva Radisavljevic (P/T Learning Support Officer)
Alana Rizzo (English Faculty)
Regina Theodora (P/T Learning Support Officer)
Michael van der Heever – who is moving back to Perth
Waleed Younan (RE Faculty)

The permanent teachers leaving the College are as follows:

Cath Azar – is currently on Long Service Leave and is our Senior School librarian who is retiring after 23 years at St Patrick’s. The senior library will not seem the same without her.
Genny Bellamy – our part-time Professional Practice Coordinator is retiring after 28 years. Genny has taught in the HSIE Faculty for many years with a strong expertise in Legal Studies. Her work in the area of Professional Practice helped the College as it grappled with Teacher Accreditation and the support of early career teachers.
Josie Brudenell-Woods – Mathematics Faculty. Josie has moved to the Sutherland Shire and is seeking a position with a shorter commute time.
Phil Davis – Junior School PE teacher who is moving to the special school, St Gabriel’s, Castle Hill after 18 years at St Patrick’s. He currently commutes to and from Bella Vista so this will minimise the time taken in travel. Phil’s love of sport is infectious, and the boys will miss his passion for keeping them active!
Anne Marie Hertslet – our part-time Junior School Learning Support teacher who is retiring after 25 years here. Anne Marie’s support of our students with learning disabilities at the point of transition in Year 5 has been a credit to her with legions of boys going on to settle in and progress in their learning.
Mark Leary – is currently on Long Service Leave but has decided to retire after 24 years at St Patrick’s. He is described by Old Boys as a living legend and runs his classrooms in a structured but fun way! He has a wry sense of humour and his passion for the Bulldogs in the NRL is a source of constant amusement for the boys.
Jed Lisetto – after 3 years with us is leaving for a school in the Lismore Diocese. He has been a member of the Religious Education Faculty too and has taken on the challenge of teaching Stage 6 Legal Studies.
Thomas Mackie – after 8 years at St Patrick’s is moving to St Clare’s College Waverley as the Assistant Head of HSIE. He has also been our Athletics Coach and we will miss his running of the Waterford Mile in 2023 on Founder’s Day.
Ryan Marshall – after 4 years as a classroom teacher, Ryan is moving his family to the Central Coast and has secured a job in a primary school up there.
Natasha Mascolo – after 11 years at St Patrick’s, some of which she held the position of Head of Languages, is moving to Santa Sabina College in permanent, part-time capacity more in keeping with her family commitments.
Justin Newman – a HSIE Faculty History teacher, Year Coordinator is retiring after 28 years of dedicated service to the College. As a natural historian, Justin is across much of the history of the College and we appreciate the way he keeps in contact with the Christian Brothers, Br Berg being a prime example.
Helen Sharkey – previously a member of the Science Faculty has been on Leave without Pay for three years on a Parental Leave arrangement. With 4 young children, Helen has decided to relinquish her permanent position and work casually in the Revesby area close to home.
James Shore - after two years in the Junior School, James has decided to return to a public primary school.
Janine Timillero – has been at the College for 25 years and most recently made a valuable contribution as the Head of Diverse Learning. She is leaving us to take up the position of Professional Growth Coach at Newington College, Stanmore.
Mario Trost – has been on the Mathematics Faculty for a year and is leaving to take up a position at Casimir Catholic College Marrickville.

Second-hand Uniform and Textbook Trading

The College is conscious of the need to provide an efficient process for families to be able to buy and sell their second-hand textbooks, uniforms, and other student resources.

I am delighted to inform you of the school’s new initiative to provide parents/carers with the ability to trade these second-hand items via the Sustainable School Shop website. www.sustainableschoolshop.com.au.

Results from other schools have been excellent - families have enjoyed a very comprehensive and convenient method of buying and selling second-hand items.

The new service is very accessible, it preferences our school first and then provides access to buy and sell items with families attending other schools. Many schools use this service. Access to second-hand textbooks, uniforms, calculators, stationery, musical equipment, etc is available all year.

For the best results:

Register on the Sustainable School Shop website and find our school
A subscription to the service will be provided to you
List your items for sale
List wanted ads for those items you are looking to buy
The school’s uniform and book lists are loaded into the system to make listing ads easy
The system matches the ads of buyers with sellers and notifies the buyer via email
Buyers contact sellers and arrange where and when to trade
Most trading will occur with other parents/carers from our school
Parents/carers are well supported via Sustainable School Shop’s telephone (0438 743 444) and email help lines
The system is simple and easy to use - if you don’t have a computer, internet access or an email address, please call the Sustainable School Shop for assistance
You can pre-arrange the transaction and then trade after the texts are not required.

The College is providing this service so there is no cost for families. Each family that registers on the Sustainable School Shop will be given a free subscription.

We are very excited about this new initiative, and we hope you will make the most of this opportunity and gain the benefit from recycling your children’s school items, while at the same time helping another family within our school community.

If after you have attempted to sell uniforms to no avail, they can always be handed in to our Uniform Shop and they will be donated to missions overseas.

In Memoriam

We keep in our prayers:

Christian Stojanovski (Year 10) and Nicholas Stojanovski (Year 7) for the recent loss of their grandmother, Pana Stojanovski.
Nino Di Girolamo (Year 8) whose grandfather, Antonino Di Girolamo recently passed away.
Simon Malki (Year 7) whose grandmother, Maria Abraham, passed away in Germany overnight.
We keep one of teachers, Mr Joshua Youssef in our prayers following the loss of his beloved grandfather, Mtonis Youssef, aged 90 years. He passed away peacefully surrounded by all of his loved ones.

We were saddened to hear about the sudden passing of Old Boy Tony Garnett (’61). Tony attended the College with brother John (’58) and was a gifted singer and pianist while also playing Golf and Rugby League for the College. Since leaving SPC, Tony continued to be an active member of his 1961 cohort, keeping in touch with his former classmates and giving support to the Vestra Bursary. Tony’s three sons all attended SPC: Daniel (’90), Michael (’93) and Patrick (’94). Tony’s two grandsons, Declan (Year 7) and Knox (Year 5) are current students at the College and as such, represent three generations of Garnetts to attend SPC. We keep the entire family in our prayers.

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them. May their souls and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

Dr Vittoria Lavorato

Principal

SPC boys can do anything!

**except divide by zero

Faith, Justice and Formation