Middle Years 

I recently read an article on resilience by Karen Reivich, Director of Resiliency Training at Penn University Positive Psychology Centre that I recommend to all of you. She is one of the leading resiliency experts, and I have always enjoyed her perspective. 

“Resilience is not one size fits all,” she says. “The tools that are helpful to me might be different than those that someone else might use. My goal is to help people understand what strategies can contribute to their ability to navigate adversity. Then they can double down on those that make a real difference.”

“What’s really helping me is I ask myself, ‘What can I control and what do I need to accept that’s out of my control?’” Reivich says. “In a week, that may not do it for me anymore. Maybe then I’ll need to double down on making time in the day to just breathe. Maybe later it’s going to be laughing that does it. When one strategy stops working, we need to pick a different one.”

The Article offers the following advice:

Embrace a shift in family dynamics:

Seeing family members or roommates for an hour or two at the beginning and end of each day is dramatically different than interacting with them the whole day. That bonus together time will undoubtedly provide a novel window into who they are as people and may also test everyone’s limits and boundaries.

Figure out and play on your signature strengths

A signature strength exemplifies who you are at your best. Critical thinking, playfulness, authenticity, fairness, the capacity to love and be loved, gratitude, spirituality, and self-regulation are all signature strengths, Reivich says. Your top strengths feel essential, easy for you to tap into, and energizing. “The idea is to leverage what’s already strong in you,” she says.

Know that what works one day may not work the next

In the homebound world created by COVID-19, success is a moving target. Monday it could mean keeping children off of screens until 4 p.m. but on Tuesday, it’s getting in any sort of workout. On Wednesday, it may simply be getting showered and into non-pyjamas before a 9:30 a.m. video conference. More than ever, the situation requires flexibility.  

Take stock of priorities and actions

Habits are critical because they provide a sense of order. “Research indicates that when you’re in a new environment, you have the greatest opportunity to create new habits,”. That may be hard to contemplate if you’re struggling to get through each day, but don’t wave off the idea as idealistic or glib, he recommends. Getting back into a routine, even one that’s barebones, may replace some of the instability being experienced. “Right now, our lives are not as shaped by external rhythms—when we’re at home, there’s a lot less to differentiate parts of the day—so we need to pay special attention to replacing and reinforcing good habits,”

Think optimistically or at least reintroduce some optimism

No Pollyannas here. “It’s not about putting your head in the sand and pretending the bad things aren’t happening,” Reivich says. “That’s always bad, and in a time like this, denying that there’s a virus and pretending that we don’t have to stay home will not help people.” Rather, start to build an optimistic mindset. Part of this entails avoiding thinking traps, negative patterns that get in the way, like the tendency to catastrophize or personalize, believing that the worst will happen in the former and that it’s all your fault in the latter, Reivich says. Instead, get off autopilot: “Slow down your thinking enough so you can see the situation as it is, not through these other lenses.”

Perhaps most importantly, Reivich adds, be kind to yourself and recognize your own efforts. “Sometimes resilience looks a lot like muddling through. You don’t get style points. It’s about continuing to figure it out. That’s what resilience is.”

Well done to everyone for displaying resilience, displaying calm and displaying optimism despite adversity. Keep going and keep working hard.

Mrs Julia Winter Cooke