Junior School

When I was around 25 years old, I was having dinner with my mother and father when a hitherto unheard story was told. It was about my first day at school, in Miss Madden’s Kindergarten class. I already knew a couple of stories about that day, but this particular story had remained buried for two decades on account of the distress it caused my mother, who considers saying “get lost!” to be foul language.

Apparently, that night at the dinner table something like the following exchange happened:

Little Ben: Pass the ******* salt, please?

Mother: I beg your pardon?!?

Little Ben: Pass the ******* salt, please?

Mother: What did you say??

Little Ben: Pass the ******* salt, PLEASE?

Father: You know, he’s saying it over and over because you’re asking him to…

My mother cried that night, and the memory of it brought her close to tears twenty years later as the story came to light for the first time. As I have since found myself, and as I think all parents find at some point, when you trust your precious little people to the big wide world, sometimes things don’t go quite as you would like. Incidentally, a boy called Luke, who happened to sit next to me on the first day of Kindy, never got invited to my birthday parties…

This story came to mind as this last week or so I have had to help some families through some similar situations. For some boys, coming to St Patrick’s means for the first time they are on public transport without an adult, and have a mobile phone, and unfortunately may see and hear things that they did not see and hear at their previous school. Some boys and families can take this in their stride, but for others it is quite confronting, and they need some help to navigate these new waters.

I admire the strength and integrity of the boys I have helped over the last few weeks – both those who reported problems, and those who were ‘guilty’ of causing problems. It is no small thing to ask for help, and it is no small thing to admit you have done wrong and have hurt others. I have been humbled by the forgiveness freely offered by some boys, and by the fervent desire of others to make right the damage they unwittingly, carelessly or thoughtlessly did to others. 

From the College’s point of view, our standards are clear; your son’s College diary is a good reference point when talking to him about what behaviour is/is not acceptable. Don’t forget, though, that your family’s values and standards are also important to talk about frequently. It is a good idea to talk hypothetically about what he would do if he found himself in a situation he found uncomfortable, and who/how he would ask for help. Playing out such scenarios can help him know what to do when the real thing inevitably happens.

Overwhelmingly, the interactions I have with boys and families are positive, and I am grateful for that. But I am also grateful that I get to walk these less easy paths with some boys and families, because very often when doing so I find that I get close to the heart of what it means to be human, what it means to learn from our mistakes, and what it means to offer someone the grace of a second chance.

Many blessings to you all.

Ben Munday

Director of Junior School