Pastoral Care

The Power of Peer Influence

Many parents and carers worry about the level of influence that others have on their children. This is especially true as their children enter adolescents and want to have a level of independence, forming friendships away from the immediate circle of family or extended family. Today’s article is to help parents understand the power of peer influence and how to encourage positive friendships.

Adolescents, or the teenage years, are a unique period in life. When our children are small, family is their whole world. They want to, and do play with friends and classmates but at the end of the day it’s their parent’s approval that is the primary motivator. They want you to be proud of them and seek praise as a reward to show that they are loved. Life, for many parents and children alike, is a much more simplistic and easily relatable time.

Things start to change when puberty hits. As children grow into adults the teen years often present a more awkward time for families. Just as their bodies are changing so are their emotions. Peer approval become the driving force, or the primary motivator, and many decisions are based on peer influence. 

The role of teenage friendships

Positive friendships create and assist positive life choices, and the opposite can have a significant impact. 

Teenagers need to have friends; school and life can be incredibly lonely without them. During this time of social and emotional growth, they look to their peers for acceptance. If these connections with others are limited, they can have a real sense of rejection. Adolescents need some positive friends in their life.

Helping your teen manage peer influence

While it may not always be apparent, teens still look at their parents for guidance during this time. Even though they may act like they don’t care what you think, or have to say, they still need to know that you love them, and at the same time that their friends accept them. It can be a balancing act but what’s most important is that you help your teen manage peer influence, and learn to act on their own, so they develop a sense of self.

Developing a sense of self-worth and learning to stand up for their own beliefs is one of the greatest lessons we can teach our children. There will always be people in their lives who will try to influence them in negative ways, or for their own benefit, but by role modelling and sharing a common vocabulary on being assertive in respectful ways, your teen will develop a sense of self and learn when to follow peers, and when to turn away, ignoring what is being asked of them.

Have the conversations with your teen about who they aspire to be as individuals. What are their goals and future aspirations, what would they like others to remember them for? It might be tough for them to separate their identity from their friends initially but with practice they will learn to think about themselves as an independent person who is part of a wider group. It is through this discussion that you help them choose friends who can assist them to become better people and say no to others who are perhaps dragging them down. 

Connecting with others and forming friendships does not always come naturally to all. School can be lonely and this can be really rough for teenagers and their extended family. It is easier though when you have a strong sense of self. When teens base their self-worth on other’s approval, being alone can foster a sense of being worthless. When teens feel confident in who they are, they might still be lonely, but they know their value as a person.

Making positive friends and enlisting others

If your teen is struggling to make friends or is making the wrong friends enlist others to help. You may need to look beyond the classroom. The College provides a range of extracurricular activities on offer that are supportive environments to meet like-minded people.

If you find that your attempts or conversations are falling on deaf ears it can be beneficial to have another respected adult or family friend, say the same things that you’re saying. Contact your child’s Homeroom teacher, Head of House or the Heads of Learning to seek opportunities or clubs on offer throughout the term. By talking through and enlisting others to have similar conversations, your teen is more likely to make better choices for themselves and form stronger peer friendships, making school a much more enjoyable place for all.

A final thought

Create good memories by identifying the friendships that teens have currently or formed in the past. We live in a fast-paced society where our friendships change. It’s important that we teach our children to value past friendships while honouring their current. These interactions with others have, and will continue to assist then to grow as individuals.

Our teens are prone to mistakes. They will make good and bad decision as they develop a sense of autonomy. Humanity thrives on social interactions and while it may not feel like it during the challenging times of adolescents, you are your child’s first influencer and friend, as their parent.

See your child beyond their challenging choices, including friendship choices. See them for who they are. Continue to be there for them and guide them as they face a sea of new emotions that they don’t always know how to handle.

On behalf of the wider St Norbert College Community, we wish all mother’s, grandmothers, aunties, sisters, significant female mentors and friends a happy Mother’s Day. Thank you for the positive influence you have on a daily basis and the friendship you foster on our youth. We appreciate all that you are and all that you do.

                                                                                                  The Pastoral Care Team