From the SRC...

Skill

Many of us have at least one thing that we consider ourselves to be better than average at, whether it be a sport, a subject, a skill or even something more abstract like our music taste or social skills. Whatever the case, these “skills” we consider ourselves to have, end up being a source of pride, self-esteem or I guess you could say, validation for our sense of self.

What happens then if there was someone in our environment that was “better” than us in that skill we pride ourselves in? At first, we would like to admit that we admire them for their skills, but what we really feel inside is jealousy and self-doubt. We all feel this way, it’s just some of us suppress it better than others. Let’s say you’re driving a car in a lane, and another car moves into your lane out of nowhere—it would be impossible to ignore that, right?

I’m not saying this is something that happens all the time, but many of you have come across something similar at least once in your life. This jealousy that stems from inside can have two effects on us. The first is motivating us to try even harder than previously to compete with said person. The second is doubting our own abilities and maybe even harbouring negative emotions toward that person.

Jealousy is unavoidable in these situations because after all, it is just human nature. The fear of losing our reputation and self-validation at being good at something really hits close to home. In other words, jealousy brings our insecurities to the surface. The pill that is especially hard to swallow is what we choose to do to hide those insecurities or to suppress those feelings of jealousy. 

To hide our insecurities, many of us hold and direct negative emotions to those we deem as a “threat” to our pride and self-validation. So, we tend to dislike those who we see as “better” than us, both consciously and subconsciously. The effects of these negative emotions is bad for both the sender and the receiver of said emotions. The sender will feel temporary relief from all their stored-up frustration, but will be remorseful about their actions, directing them back into a state of dissatisfaction. The receiver will obviously feel hurt, and may lash back at the sender, causing even more negative emotion to stir up. 

The best way to overcome these issues is being able to come to terms with those feelings. Mentally, it takes a lot of effort to confront those feelings, but that’s the reality of the situation. However unpleasant, you must accept that there is a gap in skill between you and this person in question. Secondly, you must get rid of blaming anybody, including yourself, for being in this situation. After this step, there are multiple pathways to go from, but whichever path you choose to embark on, make sure it is of your own sound judgement and not anybody else’s—it is your life after all, isn’t it?

Richard Ha

SRC President