Chaplain's Corner
Hi Everyone
MORE ON TEENAGERS!!
Teenagers need parents more than any other age!
I KNOW, THAT SOUNDS COUNTER-INTUITIVE! BUT EVEN WHEN THEY DON’T APPEAR TO BE LISTENING, THEY ARE, SO DON’T GIVE UP. SOMETIMES A CHILD WILL RELATE BETTER TO ONE PARENT THAN ANOTHER, OR ANOTHER TRUSTED ADULT – AUNTY/UNCLE, GRANDPARENT, FAMILY FRIEND.
Their confidence levels wax and wane. Both genders have their confidence challenges. Many boys really struggle through early teens. The peer factor influences their behaviour greatly. The words "I'm not good enough" become like a piece of armour that protects egos, preventing them from being hurt by others.
Teenagers need their parents more than at any other age, yet too often we leave them to their own devices. Parents can be a voice or reason, a voice of normalcy as well as a well-needed voice of encouragement.
Danger zoneThe age between 10 and 14 is a particularly needy time. Friendships become complex and the challenges of school can overwhelm children at this stage. They benefit a lot from late afternoon and evening chats with a parent. Mornings are too rushed for the types of conversations they need.
Late afternoon is a recognised danger zone for adolescence. However, for teenagers who are testing their independence this is a tricky time. Teens who are left to their own devices are more prone to engage in risk-taking behaviours, lose themselves online or in some cases become addicted to computer games. The world is trickier than when we grew up. Cyber-bullying, self-harm and depression are now part of the adolescent landscape.
It’s time to turn conventional wisdom on its’ head and start dedicating MORE rather than less time to raising teens. That way we’ll go a long way to giving them what they need, that is, parental guidance, management, nurturance and support to help them safely negotiate the twists and turns of the developmental journey from childhood into adulthood.
I highly recommend the following TEEN TALK book series from secondary teacher and student counsellor, Sharon Witt – I have had great feedback over the years from both parents & teens:
Teen Talk: Become a teen with passion and purpose (green book)
Teen Talk: Guy talk (blue book)
Teen Talk: Girl talk (pink book)
Teen Talk: Parent talk (beige book)
These are available in both paperback and as e books.
Sharon has other titles you may also be interested in – ask MR. GOOGLE.
A fabulous website for locating where to purchase books and e books (it also compares prices) is:
A great website for more info on parenting teens is:
I was so proud of my THEN 14 year old daughter, who was able to resist peer pressure, and told her friends that she couldn’t lie to her parents when they asked her to go somewhere she knew we wouldn’t approve of – they wanted her to tell us that she was going to her friend’s house which was not true. I suspect that she also knew that she would not have felt comfortable and was glad that she had an out.
We always instilled TRUST as a very important value in our household and it helped to get us through.
Needless to say there were times of trial and error, and concerns also. Parenting is not an easy task, but the rewards are worth the difficult years.
Robyn Mulholland (School Chaplain)
robyn.mulholland@education.vic.gov.au
