Wellbeing - Supports
How and Why Kids Need to Learn Resilience
2020 has tested us all, our kids included. Whilst our children may not be able to articulate or identify how they have been impacted or affected, resilience- that ability to bounce back and keep going, is an important skill to grow.
Put simply, resilience is the ability to respond positively to adversity.
But how is this ability developed?
Are some people simply born with it or can we teach it to children? (And if so, how?)
The first person to extensively research resilience was the developmental psychologist, Norman Garmezy. In his research Garmezy noticed particular children who succeeded in the face of adversity.
These children experienced severe disadvantage or even neglect yet somehow still managed to flourish at school and in later life. Prior to this research, psychologists tended to only look at the negative impact of stressful or traumatic experiences.
While it is clearly important to help children deal with stressful events after they occur, resilience is able to “insulate” children against the negative effects of stress before they experience such challenges.
Helping children become more resilient at an early age may very well be the best long term strategy. Early intervention and prevention leads to the best outcomes.
And since resilience enables us to positively and productively overcome obstacles in life, developing greater resilience in children makes a lot of sense.
How can parents help kids become more resilient?
It might not always feel like it (!) but parents can have a HUGE impact on children’s development – including their resilience.
Here are 4 proven ways for parents to increase resilience:
#1: Cultivate a “growth mindset”
One of the best things you can do is encourage a “growth mindset”.
Someone with a growth mindset will view all of their efforts to study and learn the material for the exam as being a valuable process in and of itself.
They see it as a positive opportunity to learn, develop new skills and grow – regardless of the grade they receive at the end of it.
Sure, they may still be disappointed if the result is not in line with their efforts and expectations…
But they are much better equipped to brush it off as a temporary setback.
On the other hand, someone with a “fixed mindset” will view their study as being “pointless”, “futile” or “of no real value” if they don’t achieve a specific result on the exam.
And they are far more likely to give up and not make an effort next time.
In other words, by changing our mindset, we can reframe the entire concept of “failure”! And in doing so, we automatically become more resilient to setbacks and disappointments.
So how can you help you child to develop a growth mindset?
The easiest way is to mainly focus on (and reward them for) the effort they apply.
And focus much less on the outcome.
And demonstrate this with your own actions!
#2: Reframe negative events
Over time, helping children view adverse events in a more positive way changes how they respond to these events.
This is a vital life skill and is more than simply “looking on the bright side”.
For example, if a child gets a disappointing grade this can help reveal which areas they need to work on more – so they know how to improve next time.
Naturally resilient people are inclined to take this approach to explaining events, to themselves and others.
But it’s a skill that can be taught.
And has been shown to make people more “psychologically successful” (i.e. resilient) and less prone to depression.
#3: Practice awareness and “letting go” of negative thoughts
This is not about eliminating negative thoughts. (Which clearly isn’t possible!)
It’s about simply noticing negative thoughts as they occur and accepting them as merely “thoughts”, without judging them or trying to stop them.
Meditation and mindfulness can help develop this skill.
Excessively frequent negative thoughts can be a sign of underlying problems, like depression or anxiety…
But if children learn to simply notice and then “let go” of negative thoughts without attaching any special meaning to those thoughts?
They can dramatically reduce the stress they experience from adverse events.
In other words?
They become more resilient.
#4: Practice gratitude
People who feel grateful experience more life satisfaction than those who don’t.
And, unlike some skills, it’s easy to practice being grateful!
You can help your kids recognise and appreciate the little things that happen every day:
- What was something funny that happened today?
- What was something that made them happy?
- What was something that made them feel special?
And by becoming more aware of things to be thankful for, even small things...
We automatically focus less on the bad things.
And, in turn, we suffer less stress from them when they occur.
This article is summarised from Melbourne Child Psychology and School Services.
Should you be in need of help or support, please make contact with one of the leadership team who can listen and guide you in the right direction.
Wellbeing Resources:
Mindfulness: Smiling Mind.
Barwon Health – 24/7 mental health service and support for young people and families 1300 094 187
Department of Health and Human Services Mental Health resources - https://www.dhhs.vic.gov.au/mental-health-resources-coronavirus-covid-19
Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/
Quarantine at Home - Coping Tips
COVID-19: An Online Safety Kit for Parents and Carers
Podcast: Parental as Anything - Coronavirus Special
Gratitude: The How and Why of Practising Gratitude
Empathy: Empathy Activities for Kids
Mindfulness: Keeping Calm - Meditation Time
Kindness: #TheKindnessPandemic
Please make contact with us if you need help or support.
Surfside Primary School Support
We as a school community are not going to be immune to hardship and despair during this ever changing situation and we all know of families who are now out of work, suffering hardship and despair. There are a number of ways that we can support as a school so please feel free to reach out at anytime for whatever you need. If we are unable to help out directly we can point you in the right direction:
Email - peter.walsh@eduation.vic.gov.au or gillian.hodgson@education.vic.gov.au
Feed Me Bellarine - we are a Feed me Bellarine drop off and collection point so if you require meals or would like to drop off some meals please use the above contacts and we will provide the appropriate support