Relationships

Welcome to the 3rd focus area of the PERMAH Framework, relationships. Whoa, this is a big one and I could write articles on this topic every week for years (don’t worry, I won’t, but I could!). Relationships involve so many things, but one aspect of relationships that I would like to focus on is ‘tuning in’. This is more than just listening with our ears; it is about approaching conversations without an agenda and truly hearing what another person is saying. This is definitely an art, but one that I try and work on every day.

Tuning in takes time and in this fast-paced world, it is even harder to achieve, but it is possible. Below are some thoughts. Feel free to click on the links for more details.

Building relationships involves connecting with others. Connection involves more than just words. It involves our non-verbal cues, our tone, our focus, our observations and our intent (or lack of one).
Psychologist Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., author of the New York Times bestseller Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships speaks about the importance of offering a person our total attention, listening fully to them and seeking to understand them rather than just making our own point. He also says that people can improve their attunement skills by simply and intentionally paying more attention (Goleman D, ‘Attunement: An Agendaless Presence’, Awakin.org, Accessed 17th July 2021).
So often we engage in relationships in routine ways, knowing that the responses we receive will be the same, but we still do it! The reality is that we cannot control others, but we can change the way in which we relate to them. This takes time and practice.
If we can make small changes to our language, and take time to hone our attunement skills, it is likely to change the way in which others respond, possibly resulting in deeper connections and healthier relationships.

Magic buttons

Part of ‘tuning in’ to children involves me observing what they are doing or playing with and using their interests and passions as a connection point. On a daily basis this involves me listening to (and playing with) children as they tell me about trains, dogs, unicorns, and this week, a new one, magic buttons.

I met with a child recently who said if he had a magic button that he could press and change something, he would hit a ‘kindness button’, that would result in everyone being kind to each other in the world. Wouldn’t that be amazing (and lifechanging for society!).

This week, maybe you could have some curious conversations with your children about what their ‘magic button’ power would be. It could be fun to just talk about, but also give insight into how they are feeling about their world.

Until next time,

Julie Reid, on behalf of the Wellbeing team

P.S. I love the creativity of children and had to share some beautiful examples from this week. Thanks Jasper and Hayden. Just in case you can’t read Hayden’s message on his amazing shoe design, it says “Always remember to be yourself and never stop chasing your dreams.” What wise words! So often it is said that children are the future. I beg to differ, no matter how old children are, they are so impactful right now! Enjoy celebrating children this week.

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