Year 10 Pastoral Guardian

Friendship and Resilience!

It is evident that the key to happiness and success for students is not only determined by academic results or the number of extra-curricular teams in which they are involved, but largely by having positive friends. For adolescents, friends can make or break their high school experience. For a variety of reasons, some students are drawn to negative people who make them feel less. Some also think that hanging around with the ‘cool’ group will make them seem more attractive and appealing to others. Unfortunately, there is nothing attractive about someone who behaves like a sheep and thoughtlessly follows a leader. Those who spread rumours and put others down are also not appealing. Friends are supposed to lift your spirits and build your confidence, not shut you down.

As Pastoral Guardian, students often come to me to discuss friendship concerns. These students often feel lost, or that their friends are no longer a positive influence on them, or are realising that these friends have different interests and values than they do. It is good to see that some students are finding the confidence to make a change and, by working together, we are identifying what qualities of friends are more suitable for them.

“The key is to keep company with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best”.

(Epictetus, Greek philosopher).

Rebecca Sparrow, in her book Find your tribe – and 9 other things I wish I’d known in high school, perfectly identifies the challenges students face at high school, and how tough it can be when your friends are not supporting you or are having a negative effect on your life. In this book, she explains how to pull through it all, with the help of Ruby Rose, Katie Noonan, Wil Anderson, and other celebrities. Together they explain how bouncing back, trusting your instincts, and finding your tribe can make all the difference. This is an indispensable guide for adolescents for surviving and enjoying their teen years.

As we know, life can be rewarding and exciting, but it is also guaranteed to involve some disappointments. Students need to be reassured that, if they are not selected for a sporting team or chosen for the musical, or receive the result on a recent exam that they were expecting, this is a normal part of life. It is how they bounce back and learn from these experience that is important. This is where resilience comes into play. Success in life is all about being resilient and persistent - in other words, being able to bounce back and keep going after you have been knocked down. It is also important to note that people are not born resilient. It is something you learn – a way to behave. Rebecca identifies that resilient people:

know that failure and disappointment in life are normal;
don’t give up easily
let themselves feel sad when something goes wrong but. after a day or two. try to learn from the failure and keep chasing their dream;
try to find the positive in bad situations;
are open to hearing feedback, advice, or constructive criticism on better, smarter ways they can achieve their goals; and
believe they have a lot to offer, and know that mistakes and failures don’t define who they are.

The final chapter in Sparrow’s Find your Tribe book reminds students to ask for help, advice, or clarification whenever needed. Of course, this would include asking their parents/caregivers or siblings at home or, at school, their Pastoral Guardian or a counsellor. However, close friends who are trustworthy and respected are usually their number one go-to people.

I would highly recommend this book for all students – as it explains how bouncing back, trusting your instincts, and finding your tribe can make all the difference for an enjoyable high school experience.

I wish all Year 10s the best for their final assessments and for the rest of the term. Have a lovely three-week break and find time to rest, recharge, and rejuvenate. See you in Term 3!

Teena Christofis

Year 10 Pastoral Guardian