Counselling Team
- Respectful Relationships - Keep the Conversation Going
- College Counselling Team
Respectful Relationships- Keep the Conversation Going.
In my work at the College, I am privileged to have many meaningful conversations with our students, your sons, about a range of topics. Given my role at the College these conversations are often topical, sensitive, confronting, and important. I have noticed our students are keen to continue the conversation when it comes to respectful relationships and in particular around the area of consent. Many parents of boys have also been worried about the well-being of their sons following media coverage of this topic. The boys too have voiced feelings of angst around being falsely accused of sexual misconduct.
In response to these concerns, I invite you to read the words of Clinical Psychologist Dr Zac Seidler:
"I promise you that no-one is coming for your son's head. The data is clear, the number of false accusations that stick is negligible. If your son does not cross the line, if he doesn't teeter on the "edge of consent", if he doesn't misuse his power to control or belittle others, he will be just fine. But it's not bad behaviour we should be getting out in front of, extinguishing potential fires. We should expect more of our boys. We should be expecting good behaviour, because when it comes down to it, we all want our men to grow up feeling powerful and strong, but in their values of equality, respect and dignity."
Sit with the discomfort
In order to make meaningful, long-lasting change, we must all sit through this uncomfortable moment.
A huge groundswell was needed to bring this issue to the attention of people in power and the best way to do that is through broad brushstrokes, which might seem like they are demonising your son, your brother, your father. But the paint will only stick to those men who have behaved badly; the rest will come out in the wash.
So, if your son — or other men in your life, even yourself — is feeling a little stressed or anxious right now, tell him that it's healthy and totally normal. Tell him that maybe it's a good idea to listen to those feelings and self-reflect on his past behaviours, to question you or your partner on what he might see as grey areas in this debate and to put a plan in place for how he wants to act in future.
We do not need to shield young men from the world because that will only reinforce that they can avoid the issue or deny any wrongdoing, rather than sending the message that talking about the tough stuff, pre-crisis, is how to make sure you don't end up on the wrong side of history.
Show the way
A colleague once said to me, no five-year-old boy tells you he wants to grow up to become disrespectful or violent towards women. These attitudes and behaviours take a long time to develop, they fester in silence and calcify into full-blown hatred.
What that means is that we have ample opportunity in the formative years of boys' lives to teach them, to show them, something else.
For too long, we have told boys what they should not do, how they should not act. Let's continue the proactive approach to pave the way for the masculinity we want to see. Let's continue the conversation with your son by speaking and showing him exactly what they are and what they can be.
“We need to find a way to create an enticing breeding ground, a community for young guys that espouses meaningful connection and belonging built on shared compassion, with the mantra that nice guys always finish first”.
Ms Joe McCarthy - College Counsellor
College Counselling Team
The College Counselling Team are available to provide confidential emotional and social support and guidance for your son and family. For reference our College Counselling Team contact details are shown below.
Mr Rick Russo
Counsellor (Full time Monday to Friday) working with students across all year groups.
Email: rrusso@stpiusx.nsw.edu.au
Direct Phone: 9414 4359
School Mobile (in case of emergency): 0418 438 325
Ms Joe McCarthy
Psychologist (2 days per week: Tuesday and Thursday) working with students across all year groups.
Email: jmccarthy@stpiusx.nsw.edu.au
Direct Phone: 9414 4322
Mrs Judy Gill
Psychologist (2 days per week: Wednesday and Friday) working with students across all year groups.
Email: jgill@stpiusx.nsw.edu.au
Direct Phone: 9414 4315
The Counselling Team, together with the Learning Support Team, look forward to providing CONFIDENTIAL support to assist your son to build his SELF CONFIDENCE / SELF ESTEEM AND RESILIENCE within a caring, supportive Catholic school community. Please do not hesitate to make contact with any of the above team should the need arise.
Mr Rick Russo - College Counsellor/Chaplaincy Services