From the Counselling Suite

Tips to Promote Wellbeing Over the Holidays

The Christmas holidays are fast approaching once again – where did the year go? With the holidays nearly here, many of us are relieved to have a bit of a break whilst others start to notice their stress levels rising as they think about what to do with the children, braving the crowds to shop for Christmas presents and managing family tension over the family Christmas lunch or dinner. Sometimes, stress levels can get so high that they can lead to a bout of ‘holiday blues’. Here are some tips to help you to keep stress levels in check during the holiday season and to hopefully avoid the holiday blues:

Think of the holidays as a time for self-care, instead of focusing solely on others. Besides, you will be able to give more to others if you take time to look after yourself. Set aside time for the things that you love or enjoy doing – whether this is going for walks, listening to music, taking a long drive, going for a massage, watching sport, or going out for a nice meal – now is the time to do it. If you struggle to disengage from work over the holiday period, then a change in scenery early in the holiday period (preferably with limited access to phones and laptops!) may be beneficial to create a clear mental distinction between work time and holiday time.

Remind yourself and your family of the true meaning of Christmas. If finances are tight or if you are time poor, rather than stretching yourself beyond your limits, set an agreed upon price limit on gifts for family or arrange to do a Kris Kringle where you only have to buy a gift for one person. Research indicates that people who focus on family and religious traditions at Christmas time have a higher sense of happiness this time of year compared to those who focus on spending money and receiving gifts, who tend to report lower levels of wellbeing (Kasser & Sheldon, 2002).

Write a list of everything you need to do in order of importance and slowly work your way through it. This can help to stop you from over-thinking things (and can quieten those not-so-gentle ‘mental reminders’ you might get at 2:00am in the morning…). There’s no need to cram everything in to one or two days. You can slowly work through the list. Ask yourself whether you are taking on too much or whether you could delegate certain tasks to others to take some of the pressure off yourself. It’s OK for you (and your children) to do nothing some days too!

Lower your expectations. Strategic marketing and social media can lead us to believe that everyone else is having a wonderful time at their Christmas family gatherings but whilst this is the case for some, for many, it is also be a time when old tensions arise. Indeed, some research suggests that revisiting our childhood homes as adults can cause us to regress – that is, we tend to revert back in to family roles from years or even decades ago, the moment we have reassembled under the same roof. This might explain the passive-aggressive point scoring with your sister over the trifle… Why does this happen? It is suggested that this is because these roles work and are what has kept your family together over the years (Burkeman, 2013). So if your older brother turns every conversation in to an opportunity to lecture you about one thing or another, don’t expect it to be different this year! One helpful thing you could do in the lead up to family gatherings is to visualise yourself calmly dealing with said relative (or the trigger) as this mental practice will provide excellent preparation for the day.

Don’t expect too much when it comes to gifts either. Many of us find ourselves disappointed when others don’t choose appropriate gifts for us as we think it is a reflection on how well they know or value us. This is not always the case – some people just aren’t as good at shopping or choosing gifts, or they leave it to the last minute. Set aside some money for yourself to spend during the sales to avoid disappointment.

Look back on past holiday/Christmas periods. What worked and what didn’t work? What did you return to work wishing had been different, if anything? We can learn so much from reflecting on the past. As a general rule, do more of what works and consider changing/doing differently what hasn’t worked for you in the past.

While the weather is nice, get outside. There is plenty of research out there highlighting the benefits of being in natural surrounds on mental health – these include studies that highlight positive effects on memory, eliciting awe (what a boost that can be to your mood), improving sleep quality, improving energy levels, enhancing creativity and improving overall physical health. Activities with your children needn’t be expensive – take them out on a hiking trail for a nature walk, for a bike ride, to the skate park, to the beach, to a playground or to a park to play cricket.

Be grateful. I know gratitude is pretty ‘on trend’ at the moment but it genuinely is helpful for your mental health and wellbeing to take some time to focus on the positive things in your life, no matter how small. Often, we take things like having a loving family, a roof over our heads, or friends who we can call if we need, for granted. Unfortunately, our brains are wired to focus on what has gone wrong, or what hasn’t worked – the exceptions. If you can, it can also be helpful to try to see the silver lining to some of the difficult situations you’ve faced. Perhaps you’ve managed to persist through a really difficult situation at work. Or maybe you ended a toxic relationship. When reflecting on the year that was, be kind to yourself and give yourself credit for getting through it.

Dr Lucinda Clifford

SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGIST

The Counselling Team is available to advise and support all students and families and can be contacted by email on counselling@bps.sa.edu.au

Parents may also refer their son to the Counselling Team by using the Referral found on the Parent Portal.