Chaplain's Corner 

Screens and boys.

I recently came across an article written by Justin Coulson that is available on the Happy Families website. (https://www.happyfamilies.com.au/articles/screens-and-our-boys). 

The author begins the article by sharing data from a recent report from Common Sense Media (2019), and their finding that “Tweens” aged 8 to 12 were spending six hours of recreational time (social media, video streaming, listening to music, and playing games) with digital media each day. Regardless of the actual amount of hours, many of us feel that our children are spending too much time entertaining themselves in this way. 

How can we help our children with this issue, when we, ourselves, are learning how to manage this part of life? There are studies that say that screen time quantity is not a big issue. However, based on our own personal experiences, many of us may not agree. 

Parents worry about the stuff kids are exposed to online, whether there is any impact on physical or mental health, cyberbullying, and exposure to explicit language, violence and pornography. Also, we worry about what our kids are missing out on because of their preference for screen time, rather than real-life, face-to-face interaction with people.

Even the short amount of time that I have spent with my primary school-age nephews has shown me that when kids are on screens they are poorer listeners, ignore requests to help around the house, prefer recreational screen time to homework, argue with their siblings, and are often not ready in time to leave the house for school or any extra-curricular activities. All of these behaviours cause stress to parents and siblings, as well as conflict between parents and their children.

Boys and girls tend to use screens differently. According to the article, “for girls, it’s a social media problem. The topics are body image and self-esteem, bullying, and sexting/sending nudes” whereas “for boys, the central issue is gaming. Concerns relate to exposure to violent content and getting boys off their games.”

Research suggests that playing video games does not affect the well-being of boys, and that it may actually have a positive mental health outcome. Studies even suggest that any increase in aggressive behaviour or anti-social behaviour, and any reduction in academic performance is minimal. However, the lived experience is different in many families. 

For example, “telling your son to exit out of a game when his brain’s reward pathways are flooded with a huge dopamine high can lead to explosive reactions.” Other parents will see their young people stop trying at school, become withdrawn, take more sick days, or seem to be constantly sleep-deprived. 

So, how can we help our boys manage their gaming time and re-equilibrate their lives?

1. Be a model of healthy screen use ourselves so that we are available to actively engage in family life. 

2. Understand boys’ brains and remember that gaming allows boys to connect with others, do hard things and control their own decisions.

3. Identify the other factors that influence their preference for screen time, such as pressure from friends, loneliness, or boredom.

4. Work out the screen issues together.

5. Ensure our children understand that if our agreed plan does not work, then there is a point at which, we, the responsible parents, will need to intervene.

6. Provide opportunities for other attractive tasks (that also fire-up those reward pathways) that are incompatible with screen time.