Chaplains Spot

How many times have you heard this phrase? How many times have you used this phrase? It is a regular comment on the apparent injustice in our situation. Below is excerpts from an article written in 2020, when we were working out how to deal with covid-19 and lock-downs. It can relate to any aspects of life. Hopefully this might help you to guide your children through their ‘unfair’ experiences.

How To Respond When Kids Say “No Fair” - August 20, 2020

https://www.dictionary.com/e/responses-kids-say-unfair-no-fair/

Spoiler alert: it is not by saying, “Yeah, well life’s not fair!”

Children are not immune to inequalities and injustices. Sometimes they see more of what is going on than we give them credit for. That being said, sometimes kids still respond to something as simple as not getting their way with cries of inequity.

“I understand why you feel that way” - Maybe you do, and maybe not, but starting the conversation by letting them know you understand, can go a long way to neutralizing any temper tantrum. Then you can begin a conversation about why they think they’ve been given the short end of the stick and get to the bottom of what’s bothering them.

“It’s not unfair, it’s just not what you want” - When we don’t get what we desire, it can feel pretty unfair. But there is a big difference between being denied your desired outcome, and actual injustice. For young children, it doesn’t feel that way. What they long for at the grocery store or the five more minutes on the playground—is serious business. 

“Fair doesn’t always mean same” or “equality vs. equity” - There is a cartoon that illustrates the difference between equality and equity. In the drawing, three people of varying heights try to look over a fence to watch a game. In the first frame they are all given the same size box. This allows the tallest person to stand heads above the shortest person, who cannot even see over the fence with their box. In the next frame, the tallest person (who could see just fine without the box in the first place) has given his box to the shortest of the three so that he has two boxes to stand on, and the person in the middle stands upon just one, giving them equality. 

“That’s your perception, but the reality is …” - When dealing with older kids, cries of unfairness are often a result of perception, or “the act or faculty of perceiving, or apprehending by means of the senses or of the mind, cognition, or understanding.” In other words, it is all in their head … sort of. You may run up against your child’s laments of unfairness when you say “no” to something that to them was a slam dunk “yes.” It is best to operate with the facts.

“Let’s talk about your expectations” - What do you do when your kid has high hopes, but reality comes crashing down? You talk about expectations, and how sometimes they do not get met, and that can be difficult. Experts suggest using empathy and encouragement to try to help your child work their way through disappointment. In the future, they will be better equipped to handle some of life’s bigger letdowns.

“When life hands you lemons, make lemonade” - There is a bright side to lots of lemons: lemonade. However, there is no bright side when your child is sad because of something unfair. However, teaching them optimism, to look on the more favourable side of events can stop them in their tracks. Was the game cancelled because of a thunderstorm? You might say, “Yes, that does seem unfair, but what if you were to take this free afternoon and pull out one of those models that we never have time to put together?”

“Can we fix it?” - Fans of Bob the Builder will tell you, “Yes, we can.” Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Not everything can be repaired, whether dropped ice cream cones, broken toys, or much more. Not all repairs are physical. There may be something you cannot make right: a broken promise from a friend, or missing out getting on the team.

Not everything that feels unfair is unfair. Not everything that is unfair has to stay that way. Some wrongs can be righted. Try talking with them to see if there is a way to repair things. There are situations in which you can brainstorm an equitable solution for their problems.

“Yes, it is. I’m sorry you’re disappointed” - Sometimes life is unfair, and that can be disappointing. Sometimes, the best thing to do is learn to accept it, and find some coping mechanisms that will work well: a walk, some ice cream, maybe even just a hug. As grownups, we can get annoyed or frustrated with kids of all ages when they cry out about life being “unfair”, but that doesn’t change the fact that sometimes it is unfair. And sometimes kids just need someone to support them, and tell them they will be OK anyway.

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Toast Tuesday: Our free Toast Tuesday program runs from 8.30 until start of school. 

Toast Tuesday Roster: The roster for this term is almost filled. Thanks everyone: If you would like help out], please go to the link for available dates. volunteersignup.org/3JJT4.

Our second-hand uniform stock is also available for gold coin donations.

If you have any polo shirts that are too small, we would greatly appreciate if they can be recycled to us – spares for Sick Bay, and for s/hand sales. We are especially needing sizes 6-10. We are also aiming to build up our emergency food supplies, if you ever have some non-perishable items to spare. 

Contact: If you need to contact me, you can email me, or phone or see me at school on my days listed below.

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Would you like these for your family?

These items are in very good used condition. Pickup in Blackburn South before 28th May (might be able to help with dropping off to someone if needed).

1 Couch - 1.4m wide, 0.95 high, 0.95 deep. 3 Armchairs - 0.90 wide, 0.95 high, 0.95 deep

If you would like them, please email Ann-Maree.Bosomworth@education.vic.gov.au 

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Fun Facts for Kids:

Sunset on Mars appear blue!!

Venus is the only terrestrial planet that spins clockwise!

There are more stars in space than there are grains of sand on a beach! 

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Alan Silverwood: Chaplain - Pastoral care for our community. [Tuesday, Friday]

[alan.silverwood@education.vic.gov.au] Supporting the School community in emotional, social, spiritual and practical wellbeing. 

Our Chaplaincy program is funded by the Federal Government’s ‘National Student Wellbeing Program’, the GRPS School Council and donations.