Wellbeing 

Activities to Help Your Child Develop a Positive Attitude

As a parent, it’s never easy to hear your child express negative thoughts or to see them wallow in feelings like self-doubt, sadness, or anger.  

Unfortunately, science says it’s natural for people to dwell more on negative thoughts than on positive ones, and this can be even more true for children.

This negativity is usually driven by fear, doubt, or shame, which produce stress chemicals in the brain. Ultimately, a negative attitude can shape how children see themselves and the world around them.

But as parents, there’s plenty we can do to help our children develop a more positive attitude about themselves and their world.

Are Negative Thoughts Bad?

There are no “bad” emotions. All thoughts and feelings are valid. Both positive and negative thoughts and emotions play a valuable role in how we process the world around us.

For instance, sadness can help us process difficult times, and we would have no moral compass if we never felt shame or guilt.

Danish psychologist Svend Brinkmann explains that the pressure to think positively and be constantly cheerful has turned happiness into “a duty and a burden.” ‘Sometimes known as toxic positivity.’

Trying to be happy all the time alienates us from our emotions, which simply isn’t healthy. In fact, recent psychological research indicates that emotional avoidance is one of the main causes of many psychological issues.

For these reasons, there's no need to pressure children to avoid or dismiss negative emotions.

What Can We Do Instead?

Instead, we can teach our children to accept negative emotions and process them in a healthy way. We can encourage positive thinking and positive affirmations.

According to positive psychology researcher Barbara Fredrickson, positive thinking is important because it broadens your sense of possibility and opens your mind, allowing you to build new skills. It also makes children (and adults) more resilient.

This can be accomplished by engaging in mental exercises that help “rewire” the brain. There are many but here are a few of my favourites.

1. Loving Kindness Meditation

Loving-kindness meditation involves thinking of loved ones and sending them positive thoughts. Later, your child can expand their positive thoughts to more neutral people in their life as well. This form of meditation is a way of “directing good-hearted wishes to others.”

The four traditional phrases are, “May you feel safe. May you feel happy. May you feel healthy. May you live with ease.” 

By practising generating these feelings, the brain is conditioned to think more positively. It also shows your child how easy it is to engage in feelings of compassion and kindness, which can help them connect more easily with others and increase their overall well-being.

2. Helping Others

Helping others is obviously beneficial to other people, but it will also enhance your child’s own positive feelings and attitude.

People who volunteer have been found to have higher self-esteem and overall well-being than those who don’t. 

People who engage in kind acts become happier over time. When your child helps others, they will feel good about themself as a person, which will ultimately help them feel more optimistic and positive in general.

"People who engage in kind acts become happier over time."

Helping others is also linked to fostering a sense of belonging, inner peace, and gratitude. Your child could help others by assisting an elderly neighbour with jobs around the yard, helping a friend with homework, or participating in a clothing drive or event. You could also make volunteering a family affair and regularly help out with a soup kitchen or other charitable organisation.

A very young child can assist you around the house, help a younger sibling with picking up toys or getting dressed, or even accompany you (and be your “assistant”) when you help others. 

The more your child helps others, the more positive they’ll become.

3. Sharing Positivity 

One of the most powerful ways to teach your child to have a positive attitude is to MODEL this behaviour for them. When you accept and process your emotions in a healthy way, you teach your child to do the same.

You can also share positive experiences with your child. You can do this by simple activities such as watching a funny TV show or movie and laughing together, sharing a funny joke or good news.

Anything that sparks feelings of joy, contentment, and love contributes to positive thinking, especially when these emotions are shared.

“Shared positivity—having two people caught up in the same emotion—may have an even greater impact on health than something positive experienced by oneself.”

4. Practising Positive Affirmations

Positive affirmations are belief systems rooted in the universal truth. They are positive statements that children or adults can repeat to themselves in order to increase self-esteem, promote positive thinking, and change negative self-talk.

Affirmations are most effective if you let your child come up with their own. This is because the healing power of affirmation comes not from saying the positive words aloud, but from internalising them. Your child will also take ownership of the process and be more committed to their affirmations.

Guide your child to come up with affirmations that are short, positive, and present tense. Examples include:

• I am kind.
• I am enough.
• I am a good friend.
• I am unique.
• I am helpful.

As your child engages in these activities, they’ll train their brain to be more positive and respond to emotions in a healthier manner. It will boost confidence, resilience, and overall happiness, and help them gain a more positive outlook on the world.

Donna Allen