When the Heads of House team are managing issues for and with students, we always take them back to our College values of respect, simplicity, compassion and courage, and essentially, we ask students to return to their own values. We ask them to dig deep within themselves to their core, asking themselves how they feel about their actions, or the actions of others. We talk them through concerns with questions and prompts around respect for self; respect for others; having a sense of integrity; having a sense of compassion and empathy, both for themselves and others. In doing so, we call upon them to be authentic, to be their ’true’ selves, as opposed to the how they want or believe others perceive them. This is a particularly challenging thing to do when you are fourteen or fifteen years old; it really is tough. As Berkley university professor Dr Rittenberg states, “Given the multitude of pressures to conform in certain situations, many of us find that we aren’t always as authentic as we could be in every situation, opting instead to assume many of the attitudes, beliefs, and even paths of our peers without consideration for what we really want or feel” (2023, para. 2). We all know that adolescence is a time when teens are expanding their thinking, trying on different identities and often being led by others. It is therefore essential that we work to role model authenticity and find ways to encourage and support teenagers in having the courage to be themselves.

Telling teenagers to just be themselves is not necessarily going to be an easy sell. When TikTok, SnapChat and Instagram are showing and influencing them to think through algorithms which narrow their fields of influence, to see and become images of so-called ‘beautiful people’ which are filtered and changed to suit an audience, it’s a tough gig to persuade them that their ‘true’ self is actually enough. But Rittenberg shares with us just some of the many benefits of being authentic, and when we think of our dreams and hopes for our kids – those we parent and those we work with in schools - then each of the benefits should absolutely be selling points. We all want our young people to realise their full potential, don’t we? The following list are benefits that we should strive to achieve:

Increased dedication

Being authentic means that we are likely to be more dedicated to things about which we are dedicated because we are genuinely keen to work on them. Think: achieving well in schoolwork, learning a musical instrument or aiming for a sporting goal.

Richer relationships

Being ourselves means that the relationships we build with others are deeper and more rewarding because they are built on trust. Think: avoiding social exclusion or being victims or perpetrators of mean gossip.

Increased self-confidence

Trusting ourselves means that we have more confidence in what we do, say and decide each day. Think: confident, strong women, keen to speak out on issues of importance.

Greater leadership influence

Being our authentic selves means that we can earn trust and loyalty of others, meaning they are likely to follow us. Think: not following others but making our own stamp on the world.

Better mental wellbeing

This is such a significant aspect of teenage life. “When our thoughts and actions are aligned, we are free to from the mental and emotional friction that comes from ‘working against ourselves’. We are also more likely to engage in behaviors (sic.) that promote good mental health” (Rittenberg, 2023, para. 10). Think: avoiding the traps of negative cycle of anxiety and worry that all too often plagues our young people.

As well as each of the benefits above, it’s clear that being authentic is not just good for the individual but also for groups, clubs, and organisations of which we are a part, importantly, including school. When more people are being true to themselves, they are less likely to conform out of fear. Teenagers experience so much peer pressure to conform to so many aspects of contemporary life, that teaching and supporting them to be their authentic selves is so important. Adolescence is always going to be a time of pressure, high emotion and trials and tribulations, but those who are more comfortable in their own skin will probably “make better choices when they know who they are and what’s truly important to them” (Mighty parenting, 2023). In all of our conversations, meetings and interactions with teens, this is exactly what we want to help them to achieve.

Youth coach and writer, Michelle Arseneault, provides the following list of ways for parents to support teenagers to be their authentic selves:

Encourage self-reflection.
Model authenticity.
Emphasise individuality.
Keep open communication.
Teach them to embrace failure.
Encourage healthy peer relationships.
Appreciate their authenticity.
Teach them the importance of authenticity online.
Prioritize values over perfection.
Give them space.

Clearly this is no easy feat for parents, teachers and, for teens themselves. However, here at Mount Alvernia College, we are continuing to work on this very important aspect of the human condition.

Reference list

Lander-Goldberg, C. (2023). Why finding your authentic self is so important for teens. Why Finding Your Authentic Self Is So Important For Teens | Cathy Lander-Goldberg | Episode 98 - Mighty Parenting

Rittenberg, M. (2023, October, 30). The importance of authenticity. The Importance of Authenticity | UC Berkeley ExecEd

Youthstald.com. (2023). 10 steps to teach your teens to be authentic. 10 Steps to Teach Your Teens to Be Authentic: A Parent's Guide (youthstald.com)

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