Wellbeing News
3 phrases to support stressed or upset teens
It is exam season at JMSS, and naturally, many of our students are feeling stressed under the considerable pressure.
As parents and educators, it is painful to see young people in distress and we can’t always fix what is wrong.
Lisa Damour is my favourite adolescent psychologist, who was also a collaborator in the excellent Inside Out movies. She has a great webpage and podcast on parenting teenagers which I highly recommend.
I’d like to share Lisa’s three reliable phrases that can be useful tools to parents when your teen needs some emotional support.
1. “Do you want my help or do you just need to vent?”
This is almost always a great place to start when a teen is upset. Sometimes teens do want our advice and asking their permission to offer it usually makes them more open to our suggestions.
Most of the time, adolescents just want to talk about what's bothering them or use physical activity to get their feelings out.
Knowing just what your teenager is looking for will help you feel more comfortable providing the valuable support of just listening or encouraging your child to blow off steam by playing sports or going for a run.
2. “Of course you're upset. Anyone in your shoes would be.”
The changes in the brain that happen during the teenage years increase the intensity of emotions. When teens are upset, they are sometimes shaken by the new strength of their feelings.
They can wonder if they're having the ‘right’ reaction or instead if something is ‘wrong’ with them. Teens welcome and appreciate the reassurance from adults that their feelings do make sense, even if those feelings are stronger than they were in the past.
3. “Is there anything I can do that won't make things worse?”
Saying this phrase to your upset teenager makes it clear that you are eager to be supportive. That you are aware that your idea about what might be helpful won't always fit with what your teenager has in mind.
And perhaps most important, that you can accept that your teenager is distressed and don't feel compelled to try to fix the problem for them. Seeing that we can withstand a teen's painful emotions helps teens to feel more confident that they can withstand those emotions too.
If you or your teen would like to chat with one of the JMSS Counsellors, you are welcome to reach out to either myself or Angelique at george.vlamakis@jmss.vic.edu.au or angelique.vardis@jmss.vic.edu.au
~ George Vlamakis (Student Wellbeing Coordinator)
george.vlamakis@jmss.vic.edu.au