Wellbeing

Friends, Mates, and Learning to Bring Out the Best in Others 

Article by Nala Tubb , Head of Student Character and Wellbeing  

Friendships play a significant role in shaping the wellbeing, identity, and character of children and young people. From the early years through to adolescence, relationships influence how students see themselves, how they make decisions, and how they treat others. 

As children move through school, friendships naturally become more complex. In the younger years, friendships are often built around play and shared interests. As students grow older, however - belonging, peer influence, humour, and social status begin to carry greater weight. 

Around the middle years of schooling, we often see students begin working out not only who they enjoy spending time with, but also what they will and will not tolerate from others. This is an important stage of development as young people begin forming their own values, boundaries, and sense of identity. 

One conversation I encourage families to have at home is the difference between friends and mates. 

A friend is someone who wants the best for you. They help keep you connected to your values and moral compass. A true friend will tell you when you have gone too far, encourage good decisions, and support your growth as a person. 

A mate, however, can sometimes be more focused on the next laugh, the next risk, or the next entertaining moment without considering the consequences. 

This distinction becomes increasingly evident throughout Years 8, 9, and 10 as students navigate peer pressure, online behaviour, social dynamics, and growing independence. 

An important part of this conversation is helping young people learn to engage their “upstairs brain”, the part responsible for thinking, judgement, empathy, self-control, and decision-making rather than simply reacting emotionally or following the crowd in the moment. 

Healthy friendships help students pause and think: 

• Is this kind?  

• Is this respectful?  

• Would I make this choice on my own?  

• Does this bring out the best in me and others?  

As parents and educators, our role is not to remove every social challenge, but to help young people reflect, learn, and grow through them. 

Healthy friendships help students develop empathy, courage, self-awareness, and integrity. They shape not only how young people relate to others, but also the kind of person they are becoming. 

Ultimately, we want students to learn to think carefully about the choices they make, care deeply for the people around them, and act purposefully in the way they influence others and contribute to their communities.