Feelings, we all have them

Imagine a scenario where a child is upset because their favourite toy is broken. They might cry, scream, or withdraw. Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and respond to these intense emotions in a healthy way. For parents, helping children develop this skill is crucial for their overall well-being and social development. Here’s how you can support your child’s emotional regulation at different ages.

5 years old

At this age, children are just beginning to understand their emotions and how to express them. They might have frequent emotional outbursts and need guidance to navigate their feelings.

What you can do

label emotions: Help your child identify and name their emotions. Use simple language like ‘I see you’re feeling sad because your toy is broken.'
model calmness: Show them how to stay calm by managing your own emotions. Children learn by observing adults.
create a safe space: Provide a comforting environment where they feel safe to express their feelings without judgement.
teach simple techniques: Introduce basic calming techniques, like deep breathing or counting to ten.

6-8 years old

Children in this age group start to develop a better understanding of their emotions and can begin to use more sophisticated strategies to manage them.

What you can do

encourage self-expression: Encourage your child to talk abouttheir feelings. Ask open-ended questions like, ‘What made youfeel that way?’
help them think of problem-solving skills: Teach them to think through solutions to their problems. For example, if they’re upset about a conflict with a friend, discuss ways to resolve it.
use stories and role-playing: Use books and role-playing to explore different emotions and appropriate responses. This helps them understand and practice emotional regulation in a safe context.
give positive reinforcement: Praise them when they handle their emotions well. Positive reinforcement encourages them to continue using healthy strategies.

9-12 years old

As children approach adolescence, they face more complex social situations and emotional challenges. They need to begin developing more advanced strategies to manage their emotions effectively.

What you can do

help them build an emotional vocabulary: Encourage a richer emotional vocabulary. Help them articulate more nuanced feelings like frustration, disappointment, or anxiety.
teach reflection: Encourage self-reflection by asking questions like, ‘How did that situation make you feel?’ and ‘What do you think you could do differently next time?’
promote healthy outlets: Encourage activities that help them manage stress, such as sport, arts/crafts, or journalling. These outlets provide a constructive way to process emotions.
encourage (and allow) increasing independence: Let them take more responsibility for managing their emotions. Guide them, but also give them space to practice self-regulation.

By understanding the developmental stages of emotional regulation and using age-appropriate strategies, parents can help their children build the skills they need to navigate their emotions effectively. This support is crucial for their emotional health and overall development.

Further reading

A Huge Bag of Worries, Virginia Ironside

All About Feelings, Felicity Brooks

No Difference Between Us, Jayneen Sanders

Silly Billy, Anthony Browne

Talking About Feelings, Jayneen Sanders

The Feelings Series, Trace Moroney

The Feelings Book, Todd Parr

The Great Big Book of Feelings, Mary Hoffman

The Kindness Book, Todd Parr

You, Me and Empathy, Jayneen Sanders

Safe Secure Kids (understanding feelings)

Kate Nancarrow

Assistant Principal/Wellbeing

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