Happy Families

Primary / Highschool: Back-to-School Check List

Written by Dr Justin Coulson

The new school year brings fresh beginnings, sharpened pencils, and—for many families—some predictable stress. Parents are told to focus on the “important things”: stationery lists, new shoes, labelled containers, and the perfect lunchbox. While these matter, they have very little to do with how well a child settles, learns, or feels in those early weeks of school.

After sending six children through school (four now graduated, two still in the system), changing schools more times than we’d like to admit due to moves and life shifts, and experiencing no fewer than 60+ first days between them, here’s what we’ve learned:

The most important back-to-school preparation isn’t found in a shopping aisle. It’s found in the emotional, social, and relational worlds of our children.

Below are the essentials every parent should know—regardless of whether your child is 5 or 18.

The Practical Minimum (That’s Actually Enough)

Let’s start with the basics so we can get them out of the way: Backpack, lunchbox & drink bottle, required stationery or booklist items, and a few labelled essentials.

That’s it. 

Children don’t need expensive pencil cases or curated Instagram-worthy lunchboxes to succeed. For most kids, those things will be lost, broken, or swapped within days. Keep it simple, and don’t confuse preparation with performance.

What Matters More Than Supplies

1. The Emotional Check-In

In our home, we run small one-on-one chats called Personal Progress Interviews (PPIs). This can happen on the bed, on a walk, or driving in the car—anywhere relaxed.

Ask questions like:

→ “What are you looking forward to this year?”   → “Who are you excited to see?”                         → “Is there anything you’re worried about?”         → “What would make school feel good for you?”

These simple questions do two powerful things. Firstly, they give children language for their experience and secondly, they give parents insight into potential friction points early.

From Kindy to Year 12, children benefit from being seen and heard in this way.

2. The “Who’s Got Your Back?” Plan

Every child needs to know where support lives at school. Ask:

→ “Who is your teacher or year advisor?”    → “Who can you talk to if you feel worried or unsafe?”  → “Which friend could you sit with or find at break time?”    → “How can you contact me if you need to?”

Younger kids may need a walk around the school to locate their classroom, bag area, toilets, office/first aid, and pick-up points. 

Older kids often need help identifying social safety nets, not just physical locations.

3. Stop Worrying About Sleep & Morning Routines

Parents often feel pressured to overhaul sleep schedules or rehearse morning routines. Realistically, sleep will settle within days once school begins. Routines form naturally when they become relevant. Over-engineering these things creates unnecessary tension.

Instead, focus on expectation-setting: “The first week is tiring for everyone. It takes time to adjust. That’s normal.” Children cope better when they know discomfort is temporary and expected.

The Back-to-School Checklist That Actually Changes the Year

Beyond emotional readiness, four strategies make a measurable difference across the school year for children of all ages:

1. The “How Can I Help?” Conversation

During the week before school, ask:

→ “What do you want this year to look like for you?”  → “What’s important to you?”             → “How can I help?”

Notice we’re not asking about grades—we’re asking about values, direction, and ownership. When children define success on their own terms and know we’re behind them, motivation and confidence soar.

2. Daily Check-In Questions

Instead of “How was school?” (which invites “fine”) try rotating questions that build reflection, kindness, and resilience:

→ “What did you do today that was hard?”    → “Who did you help today?”                                 → “What made you laugh?”                          →“Who was kind to you?”

These questions strengthen emotional intelligence, provide insight into wellbeing, promote kindness as a daily habit, and build trust in the parent–child relationship. For teenagers, these can be texted, asked over dinner, or saved for bedtime.

3. The Friendship Audit

Friendships are a major predictor of belonging and school satisfaction.

For younger children: Ask who they played with, who they like spending time with, and set up unstructured play when possible.

For adolescents: Ask who they sit with, who they message, who they feel safe with, and help them nurture healthy rather than simply popular friendships.

A simple formula is:

1. Learn names

2. Learn patterns (who they mention most)

3. If possible, make parent-to-parent connections

4. Create opportunities for face time (not just FaceTime)

4. The Activity Opt-Out Audit

Many children are overloaded by extracurricular activities that they no longer enjoy, that exhaust them after school, or are powered by parental nostalgia or sunk cost. Ask: “If we weren’t already doing this, would you choose it today?”

If the answer is no, consider letting it go. Quitting is not failure -it’s alignment.

Children need one of the following (not all):  

• Movement  

• Creativity  

• Connection

Not a jam-packed schedule.

In Summary: What Parents Can Do This Week

Here are the 5 most effective actions:

1. Have a relaxed emotional check-in

2. Identify who has your child’s back at school

3. Lower the bar on routines—raise the bar on connection

4. Use daily check-in questions to learn and support

5. Run a friendship + activity audit in Week 1–3

This is how we build back-to-school experiences that support not just performance, but wellbeing, confidence, and belonging.