ESafety

The hard-to-have conversations

Perhaps your child has been bullied online, sent or received an inappropriate image, or come across pornography online. Conversations about experiences like these can be difficult.  

When you talk to your child about personal subjects, you are trying to balance a number of different things: 

• respecting your child’s privacy while still making sure they are safe and happy 
• giving them space to test their own problem-solving skills online but supporting them as they make their own way 
• educating them about people’s different personalities but knowing you can’t make their choices for them 
• establishing boundaries while being understanding and open 

How to start the chat

Plan 

Work out what you want to say and how you want to say it, depending on the issue you want to talk about. Go somewhere together where you can talk privately, like in a car driving somewhere. Being in an environment where you can talk without being interrupted can also make things more comfortable for both parent and child. 

Perhaps have the talk while you're doing something together, like a long walk or a car trip – especially if you think it will be hard to keep your child engaged in the conversation. 

Listen, don't judge 

Let your child know you are there to help them, no matter what. Listening will also help you understand their attitudes and respond to specific issues. For example: 

• ‘I understand what you're saying, and I'm glad you came to me about this. You're not going to get into trouble, but we need to trust each other, fix this and move forward.' 
• ‘You might not want to tell me all the detail, but if we can talk honestly about what's happened I promise I will listen and stay calm. No matter what happens, we can do this and I love you.’ 

Ask questions 

Asking questions about how they feel and what they know helps you to gauge your child's level of knowledge and keeps you from lecturing.  

For example, you could ask: 

• ‘Have you seen anyone being bullied online? How did you think that made them feel? How did you feel? Has anything like this ever happened to you?’ 
• ‘Is cyberbullying a problem at your school?’ 
• ‘Have you ever felt uncomfortable about someone contacting you online?’ 

Get help if you need it 

• You could seek advice from a counsellor or your child's school.
• Your child’s teacher may also be able to point you towards suitable resources to help you explain things. 
• If your child says that they have been abused or assaulted, help is available from a professional counselling service, like Kids Helpline. The Australian Institute of Family StudiesExternal link also has some advice on this.  

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