Counsellor's Corner

Mrs Ebony Kriedemann

How to pause before reacting

A School Counsellor’s guide to helping young people respond instead of reacting

In the world our young people are growing up in, things feel fast. Messages come through instantly, emotions rise quickly, and it is very easy to react before the brain has had a chance to catch up. I see so many students who say things like, "I pressed send too quickly," "I lashed out," or "I wish I had stopped for a second." These moments are really normal, but they can be stressful and cause more harm than the student ever intended. One of the most helpful skills I teach at school is how to pause. It is small, simple, and does not remove the emotion, but it gives a young person a moment to breathe and choose the response they actually want to give. Pausing is not avoiding. It is creating a tiny bit of space so they can respond with clarity instead of reacting from overwhelm.

Why this skill matters

When emotions get really strong, the thinking part of the brain goes quiet for a moment. The emotional part becomes louder. That is why teens might send a message too quickly, walk out of class, say something they regret, or feel completely taken over by their feelings.

Teaching students to pause helps with:

• better communication

• less conflict with peers

• emotional regulation

• calmer decision making

• healthier friendships

• confidence in how they handle stress

Most students tell me they feel more in control when they learn how to use a pause.

Why we teach this at school

A big part of adolescence is learning how to manage strong feelings in safe, healthy ways. Many students have the feeling, but not the skill. They know they should slow down, but in the moment, it feels impossible. Pausing is one of the simplest ways to help them break that automatic chain reaction.

It is also incredibly helpful for students who struggle with impulsivity, ADHD, or big emotional responses.

1. Notice what you are feeling

The first step is awareness.

A student might say to themselves:

"I am getting frustrated."

"I am overwhelmed."

"That message hurt my feelings."

Simply noticing the feeling already helps the brain settle.

2. Take a 10 second reset

This is the actual pause.

A slow breath in for 4 seconds, and out for 6, can shift the nervous system back into balance.

Other options students often like:

• splash cold water on their face

• stand up and stretch

• move their body

• put their hands under cold water

• look around the room and name five things they can see

3. Ask a grounding question

This helps the brain shift from reacting to thinking.

"What do I need right now?"

"Is this the right time to reply?"

"Will this matter tomorrow?"

"How would my calm self handle this?"

4. Delay the response

This one is useful with messaging.

If a student is upset:

• put the phone down

• type the message in notes instead of sending

• walk away for two minutes

• ask themselves if they are ready to respond

5. Choose the response that feels true to who they are

After the pause, they can ask:

"What response reflects the kind of person I want to be?"

This is where confidence and emotional maturity grow. They learn they can feel something strongly and still respond with care.

What to do at home

Parents often ask how to help their child learn this skill. The best way is to model it in simple ways. For example:

"I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, I am just going to take a breath before we keep talking."

"I need a minute to think so I can respond properly."

This shows teens that pausing is normal and healthy, and it gives them permission to do it too.

Why this is important

Pausing before reacting teaches young people that they can have big feelings and still choose how they respond. It reduces conflict, supports healthier friendships, and gives them more confidence in handling everyday stress.

It is a skill they will use long after school. And it is something every student can learn with practise.

If your child would benefit from support with emotional regulation, communication, or impulsivity, I am here to help.

Mrs Ebony Kriedemann

School Counsellor