Wellbeing

Supporting your child through the ups and downs of friendship – and why it matters

At primary school age, friendship becomes increasingly important for children’s wellbeing and development. Friendships are a source of fun, connection and shared experience, but they can also bring challenges: disagreements, shifting loyalties, or hurt feelings. As parents and carers, we can play a positive role by helping our children learn how to build, maintain and recover from friendship bumps. Below are some ideas and research-based guidance to support you.

Why friendships matter

Friendships provide children with a chance to practise social skills such as sharing, taking turns, empathy, compromise, in real settings. When children have healthy friendships, they are more likely to feel connected, valued and resilient. When friendships are rocky, the experience may be upsetting, but that itself becomes a learning opportunity.

Common friendship challenges and how to support your child

Here are some typical issues children experience, and ways you can help:

1. Disagreement or misunderstanding
   • Explain to your child that it is totally normal for friends to have misunderstandings sometimes. It doesn’t always mean the friendship is over.
   • Encourage them to talk about their feelings (“That made me feel sad when …”) and to listen to their friend’s side too.
   • Be a model: show how you might resolve a problem calmly (“I was upset when you … I felt … What can we do differently next time?”).
2. Feeling excluded or left out
   • Validate their feelings: “It sounds like you were hoping to be included and you weren’t. That can feel hurtful.”
   • Help them brainstorm other friendly ways to connect: maybe invite someone else, join a group activity, or talk to the teacher about inclusive play.
   • Teach them that friends may change and that increasing the number of casual friendly connections (rather than only one best friend) can help.
3. Friendships changing (moving schools, interests shifting, bigger kids influencing)
   • Explain that as children grow, friendships sometimes shift and that’s a normal part of life.
   • Help them reflect on what they value in friendships (kindness, laughter, being listened to) and encourage them to look out for those qualities in new or existing friends.
   • Stay alert if you notice your child withdrawing or being increasingly upset by friend changes, talk about it and, if needed, seek extra support (see resource list below).
4. When things become bullying or persistent hurtful behaviour
   • It’s important to help children distinguish between a one-off upset and repeated hurtful behaviour. Such as in our Friendology program - differentiating a “friendship fire” (an argument or blip) from mean on purpose or bullying behaviour is
   • Teach your child that if behaviour keeps occurring (someone is deliberately excluding, insulting or upsetting them), then it’s appropriate to seek help from a teacher, the school’s wellbeing staff, their teacher or other trusted adult, or you as their parent/carer.
   • Reassure your child that friendship problems are common and that asking for support is a strength, not a weakness.

What parents/carers can do at home

Here are supportive actions you can take:

• Model good friendship behaviours. Children learn a lot by watching how adults treat others. Show kindness, fairness, and good conflict resolution.
• Talk about friendships regularly. Ask questions like: “What was the best thing about playing with your friend today?” or “Did anything upset you?” This opens the door.
• Encourage inclusive play. Remind your child that it’s nice to be both a good friend and to welcome others into their friendship circle.
• Teach social-emotional skills. Skills like identifying feelings (“I feel …”), using calm words (“Can you help me understand why you …?”), and repair actions (“I’m sorry I did …”) are useful.
• Support grit and recovery. When friendship stuff goes wrong, help your child see it as a chance to practise resilience: “What could you try next time?” rather than “That friend is gone forever.”
• Work with the school. Many Victorian schools implement programs to promote respectful relationships across the school community. For example, the Victorian Government’s initiative Respectful Relationships Education is built into the curriculum from foundation to Year 12 and teaches how to build healthy relationships and resilience. 
• Stay alert for signs of distress. If your child begins to show persistent sadness, anxiety around going to school, or withdrawal from friends play, it may be time to talk with the school’s wellbeing team or seek external advice. 

Encouraging lasting friendships — the value beyond the playground

When children build and maintain good friendships, the value extends beyond the school years. Some of the benefits:

• Sense of belonging: Knowing that someone likes you and wants to spend time with you builds self-worth.
• Emotional safety: Friends can be supporters when things go badly at school or home.
• Skill-building: Friendship helps with communication, empathy, negotiation, cooperation, skills that carry into adult life and the workplace.
• Wellbeing: As the research shows, friendships can act as a buffer for mental-health challenges. When together with other supports, they strengthen a child’s resilience.
• Lifelong network: While not every friend will last for life, early friendships form our sense of how relationships work and can lead to meaningful links in adulthood.

Final thoughts

As your child journeys through primary school, remember that friendships will have ups and downs, disagreements, changes, even drifting apart sometimes. These moments are not failures, they’re opportunities for learning. With your guidance at home and the partnership of the school, your child can build strong relationship-skills, bounce back from setbacks, and form friendships that help them grow.

If you’d like further information or resources, the school’s wellbeing team is happy to share recommended websites or reading. 

Together we can help our children value friendships, manage the difficult times, and develop skills that will serve them for life.

https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/connecting-communicating/connecting/supporting-friendships