Healthy Minds @ HIGHVALE

How to Talk with Your Teen: Building Connection Through Conversation 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦💬

Parenting a teenager is no easy feat! Some days they’re chatty and full of stories, and some days you’re lucky to get an eyeroll and a grunt. If you've ever felt unsure about how to talk with your teen, you are definitely not alone.

As kids grow into young adults, their need for independence grows, but so does their need for connection, safety, and understanding. One of the biggest challenges of being a parent of a teen is staying close and connected—even when it feels like they’re pushing you away.

Here are some simple, research-based tips from the Wellbeing Team to help make conversations with your teen feel more natural, open, and meaningful—for both of you.

🌟Start Small

Teens are more likely to open up when there’s less pressure to talk. Try connecting during casual moments—driving, cooking, or walking the dog. These relaxed settings can make conversations feel safer and more comfortable.

Examples:

“You seemed quiet today... is there anything on your mind?”
“That show you’re watching looks interesting. What’s it about?”

👂Listen

Sometimes teens just want you to listen rather than jump in with advice. If they feel judged or interrogated, they’ll likely shut down. A calm, curious, non-judgmental approach goes a long way.

Examples:

“That sounds really frustrating.”
“It makes sense that you’d feel that way.”

🔍Be Curious, Not Furious

Teens are still figuring things out. They won’t always get it right, and that’s okay. If something upsets you, stay curious rather than reactive. Ask open-ended questions to encourage sharing.

Examples:

“What’s important to you about that?”
“Help me understand where you’re coming from.”

💖Validate Their Emotions

We all want to shield our kids from hard emotions. But the most powerful thing you can do as a parent is simply sit with your teen in their feelings. Saying "that sounds really hard" instead of "don’t worry" helps them feel seen and supported.

Examples:

“You're really stressed about that upcoming test, huh?”
“I can see why this would upset you.”

🌈Model Calm and Repair

Your teen watches how you handle stress, conflict, and mistakes. Conversations won’t always go well—and that’s normal! What matters is repairing after the fact.

Examples:

“I’m sorry I got frustrated earlier. Can we try again?”
“Before, I jumped into problem-solving instead of listening. Can we start over?”

💡Final Thoughts

There’s no perfect way to talk with teens, and you don’t have to get it right every time. What matters is showing up consistently, listening without judgment, and letting them know you're there—even when they don’t feel like talking.

And if your teen doesn’t talk much? That’s okay too. Keep the door open… they’ll walk through it when they’re ready.

📚Parent Resources

Books:

Ten Things I Wish You Knew About Your Child’s Mental Health – Dr Billy Garvey
How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk – Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
The Parenting Revolution – Dr Justine Coulson
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child – Dr John Gottman

Websites:

Podcasts:

Warmly,

The Wellbeing Team