“When we deny our stories, they define us.

When we own our stories, we get to write the ending.”

- Brene Brown

As we spoke about in our last segment, emotional literacy defines much of our enjoyment in life and it begins by observing our emotions as indicator lights that give us a broad sense of how we’ve experienced a situation and the meaning we’ve assigned it – whether correct or incorrect. Our journey of emotional intelligence is a process of regularly taking the time to feel and understand our emotions, discover what they are communicating about our needs and experiences, how to care for them, what to do with them, and how to work towards redefining how emotions respond to certain situations. The process begins by defining them.

Brene Brown is the chair at the University of Houston’s Graduate College of Social work, and a visiting professor at McCombs School of Business in the University of Texas, Austin. She has lead specialised research into the concepts of shame, vulnerability, and leadership and she is a celebrated author. For the next few segments, we will be using paraphrased definitions from Brene Brown’s book, Atlas of the Heart, to give us a practical way to begin identifying our emotions.

The Places We Go When: Things are too much or uncertain.

•Stress: When we evaluate (make a mental assessment) that environmental demands are beyond our ability to successfully manage/cope with. This includes elements of unpredictability, uncontrollability, and feeling overloaded.

•Overwhelm: Extreme level of stress, an emotional and/or cognitive intensity that has progressed to the point of feeling unable to function. (catatonia, freeze response, shut down)

•Anxiety: An emotion characterised by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure. It is the same physiological response as excitement, but in situations that we have assessed to have a high likelihood of a negative outcome. Anxiety can be a continuous state of existence, as well as a trait that is displayed in response to set circumstances.

Worry: A chain of negative thoughts about bad things the might or might not happen in the future. Worry is an anxiety response, but not an emotion in and of itself. This gives the sensation of control without providing any positive benefit.
Avoidance: coping strategy for anxiety that leads us to not show up in various situations in life and spend a lot of energy trying to avoid the source of anxiety. This prevents us from effectively engaging in life and events that may allow us to grow.

•Excitement: An energised state of enthusiasm leading up to or during an enjoyable activity. Excitement often as the same physical signs as anxiety, but these signs are interpreted as excitement instead because we have determined the high likelihood of a positive outcome. Some people have found success in overcoming their anxieties but instead making the conscious choice to label it as Excitement.

•Dread: Occurs with unavoidable, high-probability negative events. It’s the swelling, icy feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes it impossible to enjoy the time leading up to the event as well as the event itself. This often causes us to jump the gun and try to get the event over with sooner and therefore less prepared.

•Fear: A negative, short-lasting, high-alert emotion that occurs in response to a perceived threat, and, like anxiety, it can be a constant state of existence, as well as a trait in response to certain situations. Fear arises when we need to respond quickly to physical or psychological danger. The typical expressions of fear are fight, flight, or freeze.

•Vulnerability: experienced during times of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It is the feeling of exposer and discomfort that occurs during situations where you present a part of yourself that you care deeply about and put yourself at risk of a negative response, reject, or criticism. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.

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