College Counsellor

Muddy Puddles and Leaky Ceilings

When meeting with a student I’ll often begin by asking something like, “What’s on your mind?”

Imagine this, a common scenario for a high school student: 

Well, this week my friends are fighting and it is causing so much drama and it is really bothering me. I want to know how to clear it up. One friend upset another one, so they confronted them about it, and now they don’t want to sit together at lunch and it just gets awkward. We’re in all the same classes so we have to sit with each other.  It seems like everyone’s taking sides and my whole life is falling apart. Though, we haven’t actually talked about it. This was all through a group chat, not IRL. And I didn’t have breakfast this morning. Oh, and I have an assessment due tomorrow which I was supposed to work on last night but we were chatting online.

Well ok, that sounds like quite a dilemma. 

It can be helpful to follow something like this framework to guide the discussion:

1. What is most challenging about this situation, or what is making me feel this way?
2.  Is it in my control and does it deserve my energy?
3. What can I do right now to ease this feeling?

Muddy Puddles

After hearing some more, I said this sounds like a muddy puddle. It’s been useful imagery to talk about problems.

You see, some problems are like muddy puddles. The way to clear a muddy puddle is to leave it alone. The more you mess with it, the muddier it becomes. Many of the problems I dream up when I'm overthinking, worrying or ruminating fall into this category. Is life really falling apart or am I just in a sour mood? Is this as hard as I'm making it or do I just need to go for a walk? Drink some water. Get some sleep. Go do something else and give the puddle time to turn clear.

“Yes”, they said. “After talking about all this I realise it’s not that big of a deal”. When we arrived the problem was an 8/10, now a 1/10.

Leaky Ceilings

Ok great! Now what about that assessment? This sounds more like a leaky ceiling. Other problems are like a leaky ceiling. Ignore a small leak and it will always widen. Some problems multiply if left unattended. That assessment will still be due and you will become more stressed as the day goes on. Leaving it alone will mean you might not submit it on time, or will not produce your best work.  A muddy puddle you need to leave alone or things will get muddier when you intervene. But a leaky roof needs something done now. 

So we talked about what her plan might be to complete the assessment which included some time allocated in class today and staying back at school to work on it; as home can be too distracting. By looking at what is within our control, she left alone the muddy puddle and intervened with the leaky roof.

Thinking about problems in these two groups: muddy puddles and leaky ceilings can be helpful in deciding your actions! I’ve found this imagery helpful when working with students and you might too, with your students or in your own life.

Are you dealing with a leak or a muddy puddle?