More than a gold coin. How service builds critical thinking, empathy and resilience in our young people.

(It is a lengthy contribution this week. Thanks in advance for seeing it through to the end!)

I was drawn to Netflix’s current No.1 pick – Adolescence – from the vast array of social media commentary from psychology, family and education experts. The premise of the miniseries is the charge of murder to a 13-year-old boy accused of stabbing a female classmate. It is not for the faint-hearted and it is certainly not for anyone 15 or younger – the Australian censorship authority affirms this with an M rating – but it is compelling viewing for parents, educators, politicians, big tech and our wider society. I am not one to binge a series. On this occasion, I could not leave the next episode for another day. I watched through the lens of an educator of girls, a past educator of boys, a parent of a boy and girl and someone who genuinely cares about young people growing up to find and be the best version of themselves - young people who are confident, capable, empathetic and relational.

I concur with ABC news. Despite its fiction status, it is a portrait of modern boyhood in profound crisis. While the protagonist of the story is a boy and the story is woven around him, there is so much to unpack for girls including the victim and the ‘other world’ with which young people communicate. Let’s face it, they live in two worlds: the real world and the online world. They are a generation who does not know a life without a smart device. While the real world they live in involves us – families and schools – it is the online world that occurs without adult supervision.

If you watch it, you are thinking, ‘What next? What do I do?’ My advice is to seek out some of the excellent strategies provided by Justin Coulson and Michael Carr-Gregg on their socials. They have provided excellent conversation starters to have with your daughters about what they see with their peers and on their phones.

My readings and research offer this perspective. When there are no ‘rites of passage’ initiated by the adults around our young people, they will create their own and often the most inappropriate ones. When they disconnect from their community, they no longer feel a need to serve it.

There is a bigger picture in the role of service, financial contribution to charitable works and offering to volunteer. The benefits help both the recipients of the service and those offering it. The ones who serve become more resilient and empathetic. They become critical thinkers. They can deflect the messages and harm as witnessed in Adolescence. More on this later.

Dr Michael Carr-Gregg, adolescent and child psychologist, lists five major traits of resilient children drawn from the expertise of Professor Emmy Warner who coined the term ‘resilience’ way back in the 70’s:

A charismatic adult – a ‘lighthouse’ who shows genuine care and fosters a meaningful relationship with a young person and is willing to navigate the rocky terrain of adolescence
Positive self-talk and feeling good about themselves and the things going on in their lives
Social-emotional competencies by learning how to mange feelings, friendships and problem-solve
Islands of competence – finding their ‘spark’
Spirituality – Connection to something that transcends the material world. It provides a moral compass to navigate life and minimise risk-taking behaviours.

Adam Grant, author and professor at the Wharton School, advises that kindness and concern for others are held as moral virtues in almost every society and religion. However, when children were asked, they advised that adults value achievement and happiness over caring. Kindness is in decline. Grant advised it is also an unintended consequence of the admirable desire to treat boys and girls more equally. Historically, girls were kind and caring and boys were strong and ambitious. Today, and rightly so, there is more time investment in nurturing confidence and leadership in girls. Unfortunately, there is not the same momentum around developing generosity and helpfulness in boys. The result – less caring across the board.

If you encourage young people to consider the needs and feelings of others, sometimes they will and sometimes they will not. They will soon learn the norm of reciprocity: it you do not treat others considerately, they may not be considerate toward you. And those around you will be less likely to be considerate of one another too.

There is hope! There is endless, research-based evidence that suggests children who help others end up achieving more than those who do not. Concern for others promotes supportive relationships. They see their education as preparation for contributing to society and this outlook inspires them to persist even when studying is dull. Of course, we should encourage young people to do their best and to take pride and joy in their achievements. However, kindness does not require sacrificing those things. If we teach them to be kind, we are setting them up for success…and the kids around them too.

The Harvard Graduate School of Education gives excellent advice on what we all can do. Young people need:

ongoing opportunities to practice caring and helpfulness and the guidance should come from the adults
to learn to zoom in, listening closely and attending to those in their immediate circle (school, family, friends, local community) and to zoom out, taking in the big picture and considering multiple perspectives (national and international issues).
good role models
guidance in managing destructive feelings. The ability to care for others is overwhelmed by anger, shame, envy and other negative feelings. It is a product of the ‘highlight reel life’ on social media. Feelings are OK! Some of the ways they are dealt with are not. We need to steer them to deal with them in productive ways.
Finding a healthy balance between the focus on individual success (academics, co-curricular) and the importance of care and kindness as traits that adults and workplaces value

So, I hope this gives our families some things to consider.

I will circle back to the role of service in developing thriving young people. People who are confident, capable, empathetic and relational.

Mount Alvernia College offers countless opportunities for our students to engage in acts of service. We ask for volunteers. We encourage gold coin contributions. Regularly. Please know that our boundless energy in this space – driven so well by Richard Rogusz, our Deputy Principal of Identity and Religious life of the College – is to benefit both the recipients of the care we offer and to build the resilience, relational and empathy traits we know will help our young people deflect the harm gushing through their social media pipes.

Someone once said, ‘If you stand for nothing you fall for anything.’ The Mount Alvernia Franciscan Graduate Vision Statement yearns that our girls ‘value diversity, tolerance and global perspectives and recognise the role they will play as changemakers for a socially just and ecologically sustainable future.’ We ask for your support and encouragement each time we ask for your daughter to contribute to our social justice initiatives for all the reasons provided in this newsletter contribution.

This week, a letter and permission notice were sent to our Year 10 families for a Respectful Relationships Seminar Series over three afternoons with Padua College. Hosted by three experts in Term 2 across both campuses, the event covers three particularly important topics – consent and healthy relationships; youth mental health; and sexual health education. While the numbers were light in the first year we offered this program last year, Kristy Watkins, Padua’s Vice Rector Student Wellbeing, and I urge our families to sign their Year 10 students for this important formation event. Especially in a time where a Netflix contribution is causing a worldwide collective breath and a call to arms for adults to engage more deeply with their young people.

Every blessing in this Lenten season.

Michelle Licina

Deputy Principal Student Development and Wellbeing (Acting)

Works Cited:

Carr-Gregg, M., Mclean, S., Tankard-Reist, M., Witt, S., Grose, M., Van Cuylenburg, H., Miller, D., Mason, W., & Mitchell, M. (2018). Raising Resilient Kids. Dennis Jones & Associates.

Grant, A. G., Allison Sweet. (2019, November 3). Stop Trying to Raise Successful Kids. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/12/stop-trying-to-raise-successful-kids/600751/

Harvard Graduate School of Education. (2014, July 7). The Children We Mean to Raise: The Real Messages Adults Are Sending About Values. Making Caring Common; Harvard Graduate School of Education. https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/reports/children-mean-raise

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