Wellbeing News

The alpha male myth

If you're a human being who's been alive for the last five years, chances are you've heard the term "alpha male" thrown around online a lot.

Typically used to refer to a dominant male figure in a group, I’d like to explain that what social media leads you to believe about so-called "alpha males" is a myth.

First, it's essential to clarify that an "alpha" does not have to be male. Primatologist Frans De Waal originally coined the term to identify the most dominant male wolf in a pack. We are not wolves.

Today, bitter, resentful men often use the term in online forums. These forums often idolise the fake alpha male as the ultimate role model, which can lead to destructive behaviour.

Frans De Waal's research points out that genuine alphas are often admired for their empathy and ability to protect the underdog. They maintain peace, showing that leadership involves more than mere dominance.

Part of the problem is that early online gurus used this term to sell courses, books, and coaching, building an empire on the insecurity of many young men. They told them they needed to dominate others for their own gain, no matter the cost, to obtain power in relationships.

But this is misleading. If you're constantly trying to prove how tough and alpha you are, it's coming from a place of deep insecurity and an inferiority complex.

True leaders aren't trying to prove themselves. They're trying to do their best by the group. They are calm and confident in their ability to lead with compassion.

Instead of trying to be the loudest, most superior person in the room, making others feel less, focus instead on building genuine connections. Show empathy and support for others. Be someone that others can rely on and trust. This doesn't mean you have to be a pushover or a pleaser. You can still be strong and assertive, but temper that strength with compassion and understanding.

Counselling at John Monash is available to any students interested in reflective conversations that help untangle stuff, leading to growth and life-giving perspectives.

If you’d like to book an appointment with a female or male counsellor at John Monash, feel free to email me at george.vlamakis@jmss.vic.edu.au

~ George Vlamakis (Student Wellbeing Coordinator)