STUDENT WELLBEING

"LONELY"

Have you ever finished watching a TV series that left you feeling empty inside? It’s almost like attachments are made with the characters in the show, and when it’s over, there is a sense of loss. This might give us an indication of what loneliness feels like.

Loneliness can be described as ‘a detachment from people’. There are two main ways that it is experienced. 1. Being away from people. 2. Being disconnected from people, even when you’re around them.

While this shows the importance of having friends, we need the kinds of people around us that we can form positive, healthy connections with. As an emotional state, loneliness could be described like this: “No one gets me. No one cares about me.” And when somebody thinks that nobody cares about them, they can feel isolated.

Positive connections with people are a foundational aspect of life. I’m sure you’ve heard humans being described as ‘social beings’. We have been made to exist with other people. In many ways it proposes that we cannot find ourselves, in isolation from other people. If that’s true, benefits of being around other people can be enormous.

What do our kids need when they are lonely?

People need to be ‘seen’. And hearing them is a great way to do this. Our kids need the space to be real, and not rejected. Or fixed. I described in my last two articles, that it is important for people to have the space to feel their emotions. If emotions are trivialised, they won’t go away, they will simmer under the surface. Hearing people, tells them that their emotions are valid. It is ok for them to feel angry about this, or sad about that… and that they are still cared for and loved.

How else can they connect positively?

Participate in activities where the main focus is connection. This could be having a family meal together or going to doing an activity. Usually something fun, but whatever it is, the aim is for connection to be developed.

(Gently) encouraging our kids to spend time with people who are beneficial for them.

Recognise and encourage a child’s strengths. While our value comes from being humans, our strengths can be used to connect positively to others. This can reveal the way for our kids to be with others. This could look like socialising around interests or skills that they have.