Wellbeing and Engagement

From the Assistant Principal: Wellbeing and Engagement

Have you ever left a conversation wondering if you said the right thing, or what the other person truly thought of you? 

Such feelings are quite common. Psychologists, including Dr. Justin Coulson, refer to this phenomenon as the “Liking Gap.” This term describes our tendency to underestimate how much others genuinely like us after an interaction. Research indicates that this gap can begin as early as four or five years old, is often more pronounced in girls, and tends to widen as they enter adolescence and become more self-aware. 

As we reach the midpoint of the school year, we are noticing that our girls’ friendship bonds are strengthening. At the same time, the “liking gap” may also become more apparent as girls become increasingly sensitive to whether they feel accepted, included, or valued by their peers. 

To address these challenges, our SEAD program provides opportunities for our girls to reflect on healthy and respectful relationships. Through role-play experiences, our girls practise authentic listening, showing interest and kindness both in person and online. This is important because when girls worry about being liked, they may second-guess their words or actions, assume the worst about their friendships, and ultimately feel anxious or lonely. Such feelings can contribute to increased school anxiety and even discretionary absences. 

Conversations at home can help your daughter navigate friendship anxiety. 

As parents, you can encourage your daughters to shift their perspective by asking them, “How much do you like your friends?” More often than not, the answer will be positive, leading to the realisation that their peers likely feel the same way about them. Similarly, asking "What do you like about your friends?"can help her focus on connection rather than self-judgment related to feelings of unlikeability.  

Having one or two close connections rather than large friendship groups is also perfectly healthy. Supporting your daughter to value the quality of her friendships, rather than the quantity, can help her feel more secure and understood. 

It’s important to instil confidence in our girls, reminding them that the light they bring into friendships is noticed and appreciated by others.   

For more information on the “Liking Gap” from the perspective of teenage girls, please visit articles from Dr. Justin Coulson's website:  

The Liking Gap: Helping Kids Feel More Confident. 

School Confidence:  The power of belonging  

Suzie Crowe  

Assistant Principal:  Wellbeing and Engagement