Wellbeing

The College Welfare Team continues to support your children every day by working with individuals and groups, collaborating with each other as well as regularly updating our professional learning.

At the moment, sadly, we can’t help but be aware of the prevalence of reports about increasing rates of domestic violence perpetrated by men, mostly against women. According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (12 April, 2024), 1 in 14 (23% or 2.3 million) women and 1 in 14 (7.3% or 693,000) men have experienced physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner since the age of 15. Our governments are rapidly ramping up financial and programme support, but a fundamental question remains.

Whose responsibility is it to help boys learn how to be good men? (The term “real men” is often used but this is a vague and unhelpful descriptor). Perhaps it takes a whole community.

Australian psychologist and author Steve Biddulph suggests that good men universally display two qualities: backbone and heart. I wonder how these characteristics might be taught while boys are still susceptible to teaching and change.

He defines backbone as “being true to your word, sticking with it when the going gets tough, being trustworthy and capable … showing up when you’re supposed to.”

Heart, on the other hand, according to Biddulph, encompasses being “gentle … forgiving … being openhearted and show your tender side.”

Biddulph gives four ideas to help parents raise good men (they are paraphrased and adapted here).

• Embrace the child who arrives into your life. 

Get to know your own child and appreciate and embrace their uniqueness.

• Allow boys to spend more time with you.

Dads, hang out with your sons. Let them see that having a difference of opinion while showing care and respect helps boys develop positive relationships with women.

• Make sure your kids feel safe with you.

Be assertive (stand up for yourself) without being aggressive and controlling. This is what your sons and daughters will learn when they see it in you. It’s worth reflecting on this song lyric: You gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.  (The Script, 2008)

• Be aware of the effect you have on others.

Behaviour is communication. Our actions communicate what we truly believe and value. Parents will set their children up for life by their own behaviours.

[Source: https://www.understandingboys.com.au/podcast_posts/#steve-biddulph-am]