Pastoral Care and Wellbeing
Who runs the show?
Selena Gomez has spoken openly about her journey to overcoming her inner critic. In an article last year based on insecurity, Kate Bosworth adds, “All actors are insecure…I certainly am. I don’t ever watch myself and think - that was great, I hit it out of the park! Never…”
We talk to ourselves all the time but the internal chatter that goes on within our brains is critically important. As the end of Semester 1 comes to a close with assessments and exams you may have experienced one of those internal chatter days. What did you say to yourself? How did it make you feel? When talking to yourself – do you use a harsh, critical or self-sabotaging voice? Or are you warm, kind, friendly, and helpful?
You may know those days when from the moment you open your eyes you sense that it’s going to be an uphill battle. You struggle to get out the door on time, your computer is flat, simple tasks feel like a slog, and you start to wonder if bad luck is actually following you around.
Often on days like this our inner critic comes out to play. At times our inner critic has too much to say, continues in a loop and is too loud. It stops us from operating to our best.
The problem with having a harsh inner-critic is that it triggers our ‘threat system’, which signals to the brain that we are under attack. The brain responds by releasing cortisol and other hormones that trigger the fight-flight response.
There are a number of reasons that we may have our inner critic, however, one is because we care. Often, the chance of falling short of our ideal or something not going to plan challenges our self-concept.
Our inner critic will be around in shape or form for the rest of our lives. But what if your inner critic wasn’t running the show. What would your day look like?
What if the chatter could be kind, friendly, and compassionate – someone who is positive, optimistic, encouraging and motivating, someone you can talk to knowing they will listen attentively offering practical advice, appropriate guidance and words of wisdom when you need them.
In contrast to the negative self-talk of your inner critic, your inner coach offers positive self-talk. Often working as your own personal cheerleader, your inner coach is that private, inside voice offering support and encouragement. Your inner coach wants nothing more than for you to be happy and perform at your best.
One way for our inner coach to take up a bigger role in our day is by re-framing statements.
From (Inner Critic) To (Inner Coach) for example:
This is too difficult - This sounds challenging
I will always mess things up - If I mess up, I will learn from it
No one likes me - I like myself
Another is explored in the TEDx talk (link below), by 13 year old Rory McPherson. In this short clip, Rory asks us to explore what good can come from us taking on this challenge. What might I learn? There’s absolutely no way that you can hope to become your best without going through mistakes. Learn to forgive yourself for these.
Suzanne Pola
College Leader - Student Wellbeing