Wellbeing Officer

Parent Guilt Over the Holidays - 5 Tips to Bust the Boredom

“Can you play with me?” your child asks.

You groan on the inside. You really don’t want to play with Barbies/dress ups/build a tower for them to knock down. But even the thought of saying no fills you with guilt.

We are stuck between wanting to make our child happy and trying to encourage their sense of independence. Fighting the guilt of not dropping everything to entertain them while juggling everything else on your to-do list. Even when we do have time, many of us don’t have the patience to repeat the same activity over and over again like a child does, or have the wild imaginations required for the type of make-believe play our kids like to do.

Although it is great to engage in this type of play, as parents, our responsibility to our kids isn’t to be their primary playmates.

We can and should engage playfully with them, in ways that are fun for all of you. But we don’t need to drop everything and have our kids dictate how we play together. It’s much better to find things you enjoy doing together.

Tip #1: Get to the Root of the Issue

Big feelings are always bubbling beneath the surface. Your child may make an exclamation of boredom and it could be just that they are bored! They are looking for something “fun” to do. To be entertained. But sometimes, things go a little deeper…

Before you immediately assume your child is merely begging for something to do, consider this: There could be an underlying issue, outside of general boredom, that is causing them to identify as “bored.”

Is it…

A Need for Attention?

Kids have an innate desire to feel connected to their family through positive attention. 

However, when their need for positive attention goes unmet, that’s when other issues start to take form. You may see this as tantrums in the younger years, or backtalk when they are a bit older. And, of course, through complaints of boredom! 

So, if you’ve had it up to your neck with the constant nagging about being bored, consider for a moment if there’s more to it. Have they had a healthy dose of your attention today? If not, try spending 10-15 minutes, once or twice a day, doing something that they want to do (one-on-one and distraction-free). 

A Need to Become More Self-Sufficient?

Is your child crying out because they want you to entertain them OR do they lack the skills needed to come up with a few options on their own? If it’s the latter, we need to teach them the tools to problem-solve themselves.

“I’ve been noticing that you get bored sometimes, but I also know you’re capable of coming up with something fun to do all on your own. Why don’t you make a list of your favourite activities and then next time you’re bored, you’ll have a list of some great things to choose from?”

This may be met with resistance at first, but with some encouragement, you’ll start to see a significant shift in their ability to find their own means of amusement. 

A Lack of Rest?

Just like adults, kids often suffer from mental fatigue when they haven’t had the appropriate amount of rest for their age. 

When sleep is compromised and the brain begins to tire, naturally, things start falling apart. This can show up as anything from compromised immune systems to falling behind at school to, you guessed it, boredom!

When their minds are fatigued, it makes it really easy to lose interest in a given activity quickly. That could be why the game your child was playing for only five minutes quickly lost its appeal, diverting their attention span elsewhere. So even over the busy school holidays, try and make sure your kids are getting enough sleep.

A Lack of Age-Appropriate Options?

Sometimes what looks like boredom may actually be a lack of age-appropriate options.

Is your child complaining that they are bored because their toys are designed for kids a few years younger or older than them? Is your child trying to read books outside their grade level?

Tip #2: Limit Screen Time

You don’t like to admit it, but you’ve fallen into a trap. Don’t worry, you’re in good company. Most parents have, including myself.

You’ve made screen time your go-to source of entertainment. As adults, after a long and tiring day, we too enjoy ending the night relaxing on the couch watching our favourite TV series. 

Like it or not, screens have become synonymous with entertainment. And while a little screen time is perfectly fine, it’s easy to let 30 minutes turn into an hour which turns into an afternoon. The slope can be slippery. And although it may seem counter-productive, when it comes to busting boredom, too much screen time can actually cause more boredom. Let me explain…

Let’s say your child gets screen time the moment they walk in the door from school. Some days it’s television and other days it’s video games, or YouTube but the problem remains the same…they have become accustomed to being entertained, constantly and at the press of a button. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long before they are conditioned to expect amusement at the drop of a hat.

When kids are exposed to too much screen time, the instant gratification leaves little to the imagination. Without screens, kids are forced to think outside the box, using their own imaginations to fill their leisure time.

Try saying “I'd love to see what you come up with for 30 minutes before we put on the TV” and allow them a specified time when they are required to problem-solve their boredom. They may attempt to entertain themselves knowing that they will only have to do that for 30 minutes.

Tip #3: Don’t Become a Source of Entertainment

When your child mentions to you that they are bored “There’s NOTHING to do in this house.” Do you immediately stop what you are doing and start listing all the options they have for entertainment? I do! Do you take them out of the house to somewhere more fun?

If so, you (like me) may want to consider changing your response. Because as naturally as it may be for you to automatically jump into problem-solving mode, you’re not doing them any favours by doing the work for them. 

As parents, it can feel as though we’re hard-wired to feel guilty about each and every one of our children’s concerns. We want them to be happy, after all! In this moment, we can remind ourselves that we are not the only source of entertainment for our children. And if we manage to give up on the tireless task of trying to keep them entertained every moment of every day, they will be forced to learn how to combat their own boredom.

Tip #4: Let Them Be Bored

Boredom rests the mind, giving kids the opportunity to slow down. It also gives them the chance to come up with things to do on their own - without our help. 

Our children may complain of boredom anytime they are left to their own devices, but here’s the thing… they are creative and capable enough to come up with their own ways to fill their down time.

This ties in with Tip #3… Next time, instead of automatically jumping in and providing a quick source of entertainment, try saying, “I understand you are bored right now, and no one likes that feeling. But I have confidence you’re creative enough to come up with some fun things to do on your own.”

By allowing them the freedom to personally fill that unstructured time throughout their day, you’re giving them a huge dose of power and responsibility. 

Tip #5: Establish Your Family’s Go-To Boredom Busters

I get it, sometimes we are simply exhausted! And coming up with a fun, unique, spur-of-the-moment entertainment idea is just not going to happen all the time.

If that’s the case, and your child has attempted to write a list of things they can do when they are bored with no luck, I suggest you come together as a family, perhaps during dinner, and put together a list of your ‘go-to boredom busters.’

You can put these ideas in a 'boredom jar', write them down on the family white board, on paddle pop sticks in a jar - whatever! Just make sure your kids can easily refer back to them when needed. That way, when the moment strikes and they cannot come up with anything to ease their boredom, you’ll know where to direct them.

I’ve put together a few fun and easy ideas to get you started. But don’t stop here! Take the time to truly make these boredom busters specific to your family. You could even separate these jars by category i.e., indoors vs outdoors, cheap vs expensive, quick vs time consuming

• Go for a bike/scooter ride
• Bake
• Draw a comic book that’s filled with things you WANT to be doing
• Make a scavenger hunt for family/friend
• Put on a play
• Write a letter/ draw a picture for a friend or family member
• Call your grandparents or other relatives
• Complete a random act of kindness
• Have a dance party/dance-off with a sibling
• Play a card/board game
• Do a puzzle
• Listen/Dance…or even clean your room to music
• Make a playlist for your family/friends
• Re-arrange your bedroom furniture
• Create 3D chalk drawings on the footpath
• Learn a magic trick
• Paper airplane contest
• Make your own pizza
• Create your idea dinner menu for a week

Then, when your child comes to you and says, “I’m bored…”

All you need to do is respond with, “What can YOU DO to feel less bored?” 

If they can’t find something to do on their own, simply point them in the direction of the jar. 

If you have something to ‘Grin and Share’, you can email me on: marika.smith3@education.vic.gov.au        

Until next time…

Marika Smith

Student Wellbeing Officer