Student Wellbeing

The grace of being a beginner

How often do we catch ourselves spending an enormous amount of energy trying to look like we completely know what we're doing?

Life has a gentle way of asking us to step into rooms where we feel entirely unequipped. Young people run into this in classrooms, music rooms, and on playing fields, often wondering if they are the only ones for whom a concept feels just out of reach. 

And if we're honest, as adults, we aren't so different. We might be better at hiding it, but we can carry that same quiet pressure to know what we're doing, have the right answer, and somehow get everything right.

To spend our days maintaining the appearance of complete mastery is a heavy and exhausting posture. Yet Christ offers us a completely different way to live.

Stepping out of mastery and into apprenticeship

The New Testament word for ‘disciple’ carries the idea of a learner or apprentice. When Jesus called His first followers, He invited ordinary people to walk step by step beside Him.

Scripture draws us into that same posture, meeting us right in the middle of our gaps.

Psalm 25 puts words to it:

“Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”

And in Matthew 11, Jesus extends the famous invitation:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

There is something beautiful about this invitation. Jesus doesn't ask us to come to Him once we've figured everything out. He invites us to walk with Him and be shaped by Him along the way. We aren't required to have it all together. We can come as we are, with our questions, limitations and unfinished places.

What does that actually look like in the ordinary rhythms of our days?

For those supporting young people, perhaps this looks less like having all the right answers and more like creating space for what can feel uncomfortable about not knowing.

Learning to speak kindly to ourselves

When a young person feels overwhelmed, their internal voice can quickly become harsh: “I'm falling behind. I should be better at this.” 

Sometimes a simple question can help create some distance from that inner critic: “Would you speak to your best friend that way if they were struggling?”

Learning to notice that critical voice, rather than automatically believing everything it says, can make it easier to settle, regroup and try again.

Looking beneath the behaviour

When a young person slams a book shut, avoids a task or shuts down, it can be easy to focus immediately on the behaviour itself. But sometimes the more helpful question is what might be happening underneath it. 

“You look really stuck on this. Want to take a breath and look at just the first step together?”

A moment of curiosity can communicate something important: you don't have to pretend this is easy.

Noticing our default reactions

We all have our own ways of responding when we feel unequipped. 

Some of us withdraw, some become frustrated, and others respond by putting enormous pressure on themselves to get everything right. These reactions can tell us something about what happens when we feel out of our depth.

Simply beginning to notice these patterns can be useful: “I notice you tend to stop trying when things get tricky. Is that what's happening right now?” 

Naming what is happening can create a little space between the feeling and the response.

Anchoring our worth outside of performance

A difficult afternoon or a disappointing grade can quickly become something much bigger in our minds: “I'm just not smart enough.” Sometimes the struggle isn't the hardest part. It is what we begin to believe the struggle says about us. What might begin as “I found this difficult” can quietly become “I'm not good at this”, and eventually, “I'm not good enough.”

Helping young people notice that shift can be powerful. So can showing them, through the way we respond to our own shortcomings, that getting something wrong doesn't have to become a judgment about who we are.

When we normalise not knowing, our homes and classrooms can become places where young people don't feel they have to protect their image, but are free to ask questions, try again and keep growing. Perhaps there is something freeing for all of us in putting down the pressure to look like we have it all figured out and remembering that God meets us in the process.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” — 2 Corinthians 12:9

Shekaina Thomas

Student Counsellor

Brooklyn Park