EMPOWERING STUDENT WELLNESS
EVERYBODY EXPERIENCES GRIEF
By Matt Edwards (Secondary Chaplain)
It is normal to grieve, but grieving is not ‘normal’.
One reason why it can be unnerving to support people in their grief, is that we can find our own grief hard to manage! Supporting others as they grieve differently to us is a challenge, but it is well worth it.
You may have heard of the ‘5 stages of grief’, by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. While many have taken this model in a strict sense, Ross states that this is far from the truth. Any one of these stages can be experienced at any time, in any order, with some being repeated and some being missed. What I am saying, is that grief can be complicated. It is normal to grieve, but we don’t all grieve the same. There is not a normal way that people are supposed to grieve.
If you recall the movie ‘Inside Out’, one of Riley’s core memories was of being lifted up by her team mates and celebrated. But Joy, the character, had blocked out the part which was beforehand. Riley had missed the game winning shot at hockey, and her team had come to cheer her up. And her fuller memory was one of joy and sadness. Likewise, our grief can be influenced by many things. It is often challenging in its simplest forms. Yet grief can become quite complex, and even requires for extra support by trained professionals.
Almost everybody experiences grief at some stage in their life, but what helps us with ours might not help others with theirs. Though it is easy for us to want to fix things, our availability is what people need. To be ready to listen and acknowledge what is being felt, because to feel the pain is a normal part of grieving. If it is our children, the most helpful thing that we can offer to them, is for them to know that we are there for them. That they would have a sense that they can approach us at any time, and feel and express their pain freely. This can be uncomfortable for us to do. But the more they see us being available for them in their need, the more likely they will rely on us in future difficulties.
P.S Sometimes grief can make us feel stuck. If this is the case for you, it may be helpful to see a professional to talk with them about it.
For more information on this topic, please see the following links:
https://bhcs.vic.schooltv.me/newsletter-external-resource/coping-grief-and-loss
https://bhcs.vic.schooltv.me/content/blog/6-ways-adolescent-grief-different
https://bhcs.vic.schooltv.me/newsletter-external-resource/primary-school-children-grief
https://bhcs.vic.schooltv.me/newsletter-external-resource/pre-school-children-grief
GETTING TO KNOW OUR WELLBEING TEAM
MATT EDWARDS (SECONDARY CHAPLAIN)
Name: Matt Edwards
General Background?
Hello! I'm Matt and I am married to Sarah, and have two young boys, Caleb and Thomas.
I am studying at bible college at the moment and work for a NFP camping organisation called ESA Country Ministries.
I was born and raised in the Dandenong Ranges and even attended BHCS for a few of my primary years. So my wife and I jumped at the opportunity to move back up the mountain when we got the chance a few years ago.
When you were younger what did you want to be?
Apparently I wanted to be a fire fighter when I was younger, but I was pretty keen to be a police officer when I was in high school.
What was your first job or your most unusual job?
For a period of time I worked for a company that built high ropes courses.
What is your role and when did you commence at BHCS?
I am currently one of the secondary school chaplains, but I first started as the primary school chaplain in 2019.
Best part about your job?
To see where people are making progress with difficulties and struggles.
Hobbies?
I like to play basketball, chess, and to read.
When you think about Jesus, what comes to mind?
That he asked people to follow him and his way of life.
What is your favourite movie?
Remember the Titans, particularly how it focuses on what can be achieved together, even when there are differences. And because of the gridiron.
Favourite Meal?
Australian style Mexican food. I say this, because when I went to Vietnam, I didn't like it as much as the Vietnamese food that I could get in Australia! I just presume it is the same for Mexican food...
Favourite holiday destination or place to visit?
Home. I like to be at home, and prefer to just have time off where I know my surroundings.
What are you passionate about?
For people to know that contentment is a wonderful place to be.
Life verse or motto:
Well, currently, as a dad of young kids: The hard stuff is the good stuff!
