From the Head of Junior School, South Plympton 

Behaviour, a change of heart

The South Plympton Junior School Leadership Team has been engaged in ongoing

 discussions about how to best manage our students. Our focus goes beyond simply encouraging compliance; we are committed to fostering genuine transformation. We want to see behaviour change that comes from a deeper heart-change, rather than mere conformity. This has taken us on a journey looking at behaviour management.  

One way of managing behaviour that has been well-utilised by both parents and teachers alike is areward system. While this seems to be a very positive and uplifting approach research indicates that it does not lead to lasting change and certainly in a school, does not build a positive class culture. In fact, quoting Alfie Kohn from Punished by rewards: the trouble with gold stars, incentive plans, A’s, praise, and other bribes the use of rewards ultimately is nothing but an ‘exercise of power’ and is ‘likely to produce compliance at best or resentment rather than responsibility.’ 

At creation, humankind was invested in by God with a special dignity. As we consider the best way to work with young people at school and at home, we must never lose sight of this and all that we do in our work must enable children to develop this strong sense of worth and dignity as children of God. However, we do need to be mindful that we are all broken, including the children, the parents, and the educators. Romans 3:10 (NIV) tells us that ‘there is no one righteous, not even one.’  Humanity is universally affected by sin as a consequence of the fall. The question we all need to consider is how we manage behaviour that enables a child or teenager to understand that they are corrupted and in need of Christ’s redemption, while maintaining that sense of worth and dignity.  

Humans are sinful. This is seen in rebellion, selfishness, pride, and dishonesty, to name a few. Sin is inevitable. How we manage sin can either transform and enable our young people to grow or break down relationships, causing resentment and bitterness. Mismanagement can also create children who just ‘look good on the outside’.  

Often, we correct or punish our children with the expectation that this will lead to lasting behaviour change, only to feel frustrated and disappointed when the behaviour reoccurs. In doing so, we unintentionally send the message that they have the power to change their own behaviour on their own. When they struggle and fail, despite their best efforts, they become discouraged, and their self-esteem suffers as they continue to fall short. 

Humans are only liberated from sin through Jesus Christ. John 15:5 (NIV) ‘Apart from me you can do nothing.’ So how do we teach this to our young people and point them to the redemptive work of the Holy Spirit to change attitudes and behaviours. A heart-change can only be the work of the Holy Spirit so the solution to lasting behaviour change in young people sits firmly in the regenerative work of the Holy Spirit. 

While prayerfully pondering this question and how to get this message clearly to the students in our care, I came across an excellent book that I would recommend every parent read. ‘Parenting with Words of Grace’, by W.P. Smith. Smith, a church pastor, suggests that taking time to listen to the child’s interpretation of what happened and their feelings because of their actions is paramount. How can we instruct or teach without first understanding their thoughts? However, our first instinct is to go into instruction mode telling them how best to ‘do/behave’ in the future. This response immediately pushes the child into independence from God’s power. Instead, Smith suggests we share a similar experience where we have sinned, and explain how we prayed and asked for God’s forgiveness and the Holy Spirit to empower us not to sin again. This way, our young people can learn this dependence on God as the way in which they can have a heart and then a behaviour change, not in their own strength, but by asking for the divine strength necessary. They can then be encouraged to pray about the situation. Finally, they should be asked what they want to do to restore what was broken by their behaviour.  

This is only a very brief summary of his approach which he unpacks over several chapters with many actual examples of situations he has shared with his own children. This was a thought-provoking read for me, one that challenged me to embrace a more scriptural approach—an approach that not only fosters heart-transformation, but also directs our young people toward the saving grace of our Lord Jesus. 

Liz Hinrichsen 

Head of Junior School, South Plympton