From our Well Being Team
Friendology at Greenwith!
At Greenwith, we recognise that learning how to manage friendships is one of the most important, and sometimes most complex skills a child will ever develop. Just like reading or maths, friendship skills need to be taught, practised, and supported with a shared language.
To support our students, we use the URSTRONG Friendology program, which provides helpful insights for parents, allowing us to work together as a whole school community. Our goal is to move away from simply “fixing” friendship problems and instead empower children with the skills and confidence to handle social challenges themselves.
Below are four helpful tips you can use at home to keep our language consistent and support your child when friendship issues arise.
1. Understanding “Friendship Fires”
We often hear the word bullying used to describe many disagreements or unkind moments. However, research shows that around 85% of conflict between children is actually what we call a “Friendship Fire”, a normal misunderstanding or an "accidentally mean” moment.
One important learning for students is that conflict is a normal part of healthy relationships. When your child comes home upset, you might help them work out whether it was a Friendship Fire or if someone was being Mean on Purpose (intentional unkindness). Understanding the difference helps them choose the right response.
2. The Four Friendship Facts
Students are learning four core truths to help them feel confident and prepared in their social lives:
- No friendship is perfect – Even best friends have fires.
- Every friendship is different – What works with one friend may not work with another.
- Trust and respect are the foundation – These are the most important qualities of a “Green Zone” (healthy) friendship.
Friendships change, and that’s okay – As children grow, they may naturally drift from some friends. This is a normal part of growing up.
3. Encourage Your Child to Put Out Their Own Fires
It can be tempting to step in when friendship conflict arises — and sometimes adult support is needed. However, when children are coached to “Talk It Out,” many small friendship fires can be resolved and forgiven independently.
You can guide your child through these steps:
- Find a good time – Wait until everyone is calm and able to talk privately.
- Retell the situation – Start with, “Remember when…”
- Use “I” statements – For example, “I felt sad when…” instead of “You made me mad.”
- Listen – Encourage them to hear the other person’s side.
Make a deal – Agree on how to handle it next time so the fire stays out.
4. Quality Over Quantity
Children can sometimes think that being kind to everyone means being friends with everyone. In reality, we don’t “click” with everyone and that’s perfectly okay.
We teach students to be friendly to everyone, but to invest their energy in their Green Zone friends or the people who bring out their best and help them feel safe, valued, and like they truly belong.
By using this shared language at school and at home, we can strengthen the social climate for all students. When children feel confident navigating friendships, it positively impacts their wellbeing, their eagerness to come to school, and the meaningful memories they create along the way.