From our Counsellors

Settling into the New School Year 

The beginning of the school year can be a period of adjustment for many families, as children settle into new routines, new year levels, new teachers, new friends, and new academic demands. It can also, however, be an opportunity to review and reset some expectations that may have been previously held, to set your child up for the year ahead and towards a self-managing student. 

Judith Locke, a clinical psychologist and author, recently wrote about just how, as students start a new school year, expectations of their behaviour and responsibilities should be changed to reflect an alignment to their growing maturity and academic independence. In essence, that this year, students should ideally be doing more than last year. As such, she offers a few points to consider from a parenting perspective that may help progress the development of your daughters into the young independent adults they will become. 

To assist with a healthy development of self-esteem, praise, Judith reflects, should be used for genuine accomplishment, such as significantly hard effort and tenacity, as students develop over the years. Whilst important for motivation when children are younger, it should not be relied upon as they get older, in essence, your daughters can ideally persist with tasks without praise being the regular external motivation to persist. 

Similarly, Judith argues parental involvement in homework should take a back step as students move through senior school. To ensure your daughters are becoming independent academically, they should require less help with their academic responsibilities. Whilst they still may require a little help with some aspects of organisation like setting up a homework routine of work then reward, e.g. homework then gaming, consequences for not completing tasks can come from the teachers, rather than the parent per se- letting your child experience the natural consequence of not submitting their tasks, rather than double-checking to see if they have done what they said they would. 

Managing their school day independently, is also another area parents can assist with- by not, actually, assisting at all. Once students settle into the routine of the school year, they can self-manage more and more- by making their breakfast and lunch, getting to school via public transport where possible, managing their own timetables, remembering their sports bag for swimming carnivals, and so forth. 

As they begin the school year, a conversation around your expectations of involvement in all that the school offers, Judith suggests, may also be worth revisiting- to ensure they are aware of any expectations you have of getting the most out of the school year, of joining in and making the most of the opportunities the school offers. 

Given the developmental progression of students becoming independent and autonomous, it’s natural also that students begin to share less or confide in parents about their day. Finding other ways to connect then, may be important as you navigate the school year ahead - whether it be sending a snap (and not leaving them ‘unopened’ as I made the mistake of this week), or a before school weekly hot chocolate date, or even establishing a few new traditions to maintain the connection- e.g. First of the month ‘this or that’ dates where there’s a choice between two one-on-one activities. 

Charlotte Edmonds

School Counsellor