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Practical strategies to help you manage your teen's school refusal
This is an excerpt from reachout.com originally published 24th November 2023
For the full article, click here: Practical strategies to help you manage your teen's school refusal | School refusal
If you are the parent or carer of a teenager who refuses to go to school, you may feel helpless or frustrated. It’s common to feel this way, especially because school refusal can constantly change – your teenager may be okay some days and then refuse to go to school on others.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to managing school refusal, so this article explores a variety of practical strategies you can try.
The first step on how to deal with school refusal: knowing what’s within your control
Reflecting on what is and isn’t in your control can help with difficult situations. Once you’ve done this, you can focus on what you can control and try to let go of what you can’t.
Some things in your control may include:
- trying strategies to create or maintain a positive relationship with your teen
- practising regular open communication and being non-judgemental
- taking care of yourself and getting help if needed
- working with your teen to develop or maintain a healthy lifestyle
- encouraging your teen to seek the support they need
- working with the school to find potential solutions.
Some things not in your control include how your teen feels about school, their relationships with people at school, and the opinions of other parents.
When it comes to school refusal, take things day by day
It can be helpful to take each day as it comes when dealing with school refusal. This is important because school refusal can be unpredictable: your teen may be willing to go to school one day and then the next day refuse to go.
Encourage healthy habits
Encourage your teen to maintain a healthy lifestyle by getting enough sleep, eating a nutritious diet and engaging in regular physical activity. These habits can help your teen to maintain or improve their mental health. You could send them these ReachOut resources on healthy food choices and healthy habits.
Seek professional help when needed
If you notice signs of mental health issues in your teen, support them by making an appointment to see a GP, who will be able to suggest treatment and support options.
Encourage open conversations
Create an environment where your teen feels safe to share their thoughts and feelings. When talking with your teen about their school attendance, try your best to approach it with an open mind, rather than approaching it like a school refusal intervention.
Try these ways to encourage open conversations with your teen:
- Practise active listening. Listen to your teen without judgment by practising active listening – you can learn more about it here. It's important not to always offer advice or try to fix problems; just be there to listen, and try to understand their perspective.
- Use the ‘Scale of 1 to 10’ method. Regularly checking in with them to ask ‘How are you, on a scale of 1 to 10?’ (then ask them follow-up questions) can help you gauge how they’re feeling and get an idea of what’s bothering them.
- Talk to them about school. After trying some general conversation and the ‘scale of 1 to 10’ method, you can move on to talk to them directly about school. Check out this conversation guide to help you figure out what to ask and tips for having the conversation, including school refusal strategies for your teen.
Self-care for parents
It’s important to remember to take care of yourself as well as your teen, especially during this challenging time. It will also show your teen how important it is to practise self-care to stay healthy and well.
Here are some tips for practising your own self-care:
- Reflect on what activities make you feel good and recharged, and then plan to do more of those.
- If the self-care activity is too time-consuming, see if you can break it down. For example, a day-long hike might be unachievable right now, but perhaps you can go for a 20-minute walk to the local park.
- Put self-care activities into your routine and see them as an ongoing wellbeing plan, not as a one-off thing.
Self-care activities look different for everyone, but some common ones include taking some time out to watch a movie, listening to music or reading a book, doing some exercise, or talking to a friend or loved one.