Wellbeing

Dads On Fire!

By Michael Grose

How Modern Dads are Building Confidence and Resilience in Their Sons and Daughters.

On a recent morning walk, a guy dressed in sports gear pushing a stroller sprinted past me.

Impressed with his efforts, I yelled, “Well done. Keep it going!” 

As he puffed past, he looked over his shoulder and yelled back, “Thanks. This dads’ on fire!”

Now that was a response I didn’t expect. He was pumped and clearly proud to be out and about with his child.

He’s was the epitome of today’s father, who desperately wants to connect with their kids and play an active role their upbringing. Yes, he’s a Dad on Fire!

Flipping the fathering script

This generation of dads have flipped the fathering script.

Gone is the outdated model of provider dad who was distant both emotionally and physically from their kids.

In its place is a father with a deep commitment to doing the meaningful work of raising good humans - both boys and girls.

They are Dads on Fire!

The secret to being a Dad on Fire isn’t about seeking perfection but building a strong connection with their kids and purpose. 

This means choosing to be a primary emotional caregiver, not just a backup. 

The connected style of fathering is life-changing for the men themselves. 

And of course, connected fathering benefits both boys and girls.

Here’s how.

For Boys: Redefining Strength

Post-Covid, we’ve seen alarm bells ringing for young men.

Faced with conflicting messages about masculinity, leading to confusion about their roles, many have fallen prey to toxic masculinity messages from populist influencers.

Instead, we need to tell boys that strength isn't the absence of feeling but the ability to manage it, and dads are the best people to help with that.

The good news is that there are currently dads—Dads on Fire—carrying out three key things with their boys.

1. Modelling Emotional Literacy

When boys experience problems these dads don’t say, “Don’t worry about it.”

They say, “I can see you’re frustrated, son. That’s a normal feeling. Let’s talk about what we can do with that energy.”

They use rich emotional language and talk about their own feelings (appropriately, of course).

When a Dad talks about feeling disappointed or proud, he gives his son permission to explore his own internal world.

2. Teaching Empathy and Respect

The best way to raise a good man is to show him how to treat others well.

This is non-negotiable.

Dads who step up to volunteer, who talk about fairness and justice, and who treat everyone they meet with dignity are giving their sons a masterclass in good citizenship.

You model courtesy to the waitress, you model respect for your co-parent, and you model kindness to a mate who’s having a tough time.

It’s that simple, practical application of values that sticks.

3. Encouraging Connection (The Cave Exit)

Boys, particularly older primary school boys and teens, often go to their caves (bedrooms) when things go wrong—they need space to process.

A Dad on Fire doesn’t badger or demand; he waits for the cave door to open.

He makes sure his presence is felt without intrusion.

He might leave a favourite snack outside the door or send a simple text: “Thinking of you. Here when you’re ready.”

He’s there to connect, not to interrogate.

For Girls: Building a Foundation of Confidence

Dads play a key role in building their daughters’ self-worth, resilience, and sense of agency.

A girl’s relationship with her father is a powerful rehearsal for how she expects to be treated by the world.

And many dads are absolutely hitting the mark, giving their daughters exactly what they need.

So, what are these dads-Dads on Fire- doing well?

1. Championing Competence

Instead of swooping in to fix a problem, many fathers lean back and say, “Tell me what you’ve tried so far.”

They’re not focusing on their daughter’s appearance; instead they’re praising her for being clever, persistent, and resilient.

Best of all, they reinforce that competence is universal, not gendered, which builds an affirmative inner voice for girls.

2. Setting the Bar High (and Clear)

Dads teach their daughters how they should be treated by the men in her life - both now and in the future.

A key fathering role is to provide a clear example of what a healthy, respectful relationship looks like.

The great dads I know don’t tolerate disrespect, either toward their daughter, their partner or any woman

They set firm, clear boundaries and teach their girls that saying ‘No’ is a complete sentence.

This is crucial for navigating peer relationships and, eventually, romantic ones.

3. Validating Her World

A girl can easily feel her world is insignificant compared to that her father.

But when her father takes her friendship drama or school stress seriously, she feels a strong sense of connection.

A simple, “That sounds really tough, I’m sorry you’re going through that,” is often the most powerful thing a girl needs to hear from her father.

It tells her that her feelings are important and that she has a safe harbour at home.

And Finally…..

The connected dads I see don’t parent in a vacuum.

When possible, they work alongside their partners, and they’re willing to learn from their partners how to unravel the mysteries of parenting, of which there are many.

(An aside: This writer is aware that many men due unforseen circumstances parent solo, and do a masterful job as well.)

Rather than leaving the heavy lifting (feeding, driving, organising, homework and the like) to their partners, the new generation of connected dads share the parenting load more evenly.

And their kids experience the benefits that parental consistency brings - stability, boundaries and predicatability.

So, to the connected dads—the early risers, the story readers, the listeners, the boundary-setters, the solo dads and the ones who are still just figuring it out—keep that fire going.

You’re not just raising kids; you are shaping the next generation of respectful, resilient, and emotionally intelligent adults.

And there is no greater work than that.

Putting it into Practice

Want to become a more connected dad? If so, ask yourself - “What’s one thing you can do today to be more intentionally present with your children?” 

That’s where the best changes always start.