Mental Health & Wellbeing

Friends and friendships: Supporting your child to make friends and handle friendship issues at school.

Friendships in school are vital for more than just social interaction. They build a crucial foundation for emotional well-being, resilience, and academic success. Having reliable peers reduces isolation and provides a supportive environment that directly impacts a student's motivation to learn. Most of our learning takes place within a social context – friendship making is important for skill development in:

Sense of belonging
Building emotional skills and awareness
Building resilience
Getting along with other people through co-operation
Development of self esteem
Sorting out conflict
Listening and Problem-solving
Shielding against social & emotional difficulties later in life

There are lots of queries we may have as parents and families, in wanting to know how to best support our little people with friendship issues. Here are some commonly asked questions about children’s friendships:

My child is coming home from school saying ‘No-one likes me’ or ‘I don’t have any friends’. What can I do?

This happens to most children at one time or another. When your child tells you something like this, they might need some help talking about their feelings or they might prefer some quiet time. When your child is ready to talk, you can ask what happened and why your child thinks no-one likes them. Sometimes there’s a simple solution. Your child might need to learn the rules of a new game so they can join in, or your child might need things to say so they can invite others to play with them.

If it seems to be an ongoing problem, you can talk with your child’s teacher to find out more and get help. The teacher can let you know whether your child needs help with friendship skills – for example, taking turns to choose what game is played at recess. The teacher can also suggest ways to help your child feel included.

Depending on your child’s age, you might also be able to encourage friendships by arranging after-school playdates with classmates. During playdates, you could watch your child’s play to see whether they need help with friendship skills like sharing, cooperating and resolving conflict. You could also work on your child’s self-esteem and confidence to join in with play at school. One way to do this is by focusing on your child’s strengths and praising their efforts.

My child argued with a friend at school today. How can I help my child sort it out?

At primary school, children often have disagreements with their friends, but they usually sort them out quite quickly. When your child comes to you with a friendship problem, spend time talking and listening. This will help you find out what’s happening. Then you could suggest ideas for sorting things out. For example, if your child’s friend is playing with someone else, your child could play with other children in a larger group. You and your child could role-play joining in. Or if your child said hurtful things, you could role-play saying sorry. If you’re concerned, talk to your child’s teacher to find out more. If there’s a bigger issue, you can work with the teacher to sort it out.

Should I be worried that my child only has a few friends?

No. Some children are happy with just a few close friends or even just one friend. Your child doesn’t need to have a large group of friends to feel happy, confident and accepted.

If your child is wanting to make more friends, you can help support them by:

Encouraging your child to introduce themselves when they meet new children – ‘Hello, I’m Sally. What’s your name?’
Suggest your child starts a game and asks classmates to play it with them. Some kids find it helps to take a ball or game to share.
Use role-play to help your child practise friendship skills, like joining in with a game or taking turns to choose what game is played at recess.
Work on your child’s self-esteem and confidence to join in with play at school. One way to do this is by focusing on your child’s strengths and praising their efforts.
Look for extracurricular activities that give your child opportunities to meet kids with similar interests. There are many things your child could try – sports, dance, art classes, Scouts and so on.

Why does my child seem to play with different friends each day?

In the early years of school, children often play with different children across the week. This is because they haven’t yet narrowed down their preference for particular children. As they get older, school-age children tend to have 1-2 close friends, plus a wider group of friends that they also play with. Your child might move from one friend or group to another until they find someone who shares their interests.