Diverse Learning

How To Help Your Child If They Are Too Dependant On You

While  some children can be fully independent by the time they start kindergarten,  other children will not have the skills necessary to be able to achieve this.

Even though it may seem easier to help children sometimes (eg.  when you are rushing to get to school on time), it also means that children don't get as much practice.  Therefore it will take them longer to learn to do things for themselves.

The key is to encourage your child to do as much as possible for themselves while also giving them help if they really need it.

When is the right time to start helping your child learn skills? 

Dressing:  

Encourage your child to do as much as possible to get dressed. (Even as early as 1 year-old, children can help). By preschool children can get most clothes on by themselves.

Kindergarten is a good age to aim to complete independence.  Shoelaces and some zips, buttons or press studs will usually take longer to learn.

Feeding and  Drinking:

Encourage your baby to practice feeding themselves with their fingers, or holding onto bottles, cups, spoons even if they aren’t able to use them properly.

Children can often feed themselves well with a spoon by 2 years of age, 3 years start using a fork, 4-5 years start using a knife.  (it may depend on how safely they use the knife).  Between 5-7 years children learn how to coordinate the knife and fork together. 

Washing: 

Most children prefer to play in the bath than wash themselves. Bath play can not only be fun, but  is a good learning time for children. So it is important to allow some play time .

Again encourage your child to help to wash themselves as much as possible, from an early age, to give them practice.

Aim for children to be able to wash and dry their face and hands by preschool-age, and be able to wash and dry the rest of their body in the bath or shower by Kindergarten age. Washing hair is much harder and generally children start to develop better skills to do this by 7-8 years of age.

Teeth and  Hair:

Children start to learn these things by copying the brushing actions at around 3 years of age. 

By preschool age, children can put toothpaste on a toothbrush. By Kindergarten age children can brush their teeth by themselves.

Depending on the style of hair children can generally brush their hair by preschool age.

Ways to help encourage independence 

Helping your child to be successful brings on Independence. The thrill of doing things for themselves, along with praise from the family  will be encouraging.

Achieving one part at a time: 

Give your child responsibility for one small part. Eg. when tying shoelaces,  your child crosses over the laces first,  while you do the rest.

Make it easier first then harder: 

Learning how to take clothes off is easier than putting them on. Some clothes are easier to put on,  Eg.  elastic waisted pants,  velcro shoes, T-shirts,  loose socks  without heels. 

It is easier to cut up soft foods with a knife and fork,  Eg.  cooked vegetables,  bananas,  chicken, then gradually try cutting tougher foods such as meat.

Teaching last steps: 

This means you do most of the task then let your child do the last part.  Gradually you do less,  and let your child do more.

This method allows your child to watch all the steps in a task,  so they can learn how to do it  and then gradually practice the steps.  It usually works well for learning to tie shoelaces.

Making it fun: 

Try playing games to practice:  Eg.  dress ups with mum’s and dad’s clothes and shoes, dressing dolls in clothes,  races to see how quickly children can put on their shoes and Socks,  fluorescent shoelaces and using a knife and fork with Play-Doh.

Time for relaxed practice: 

Try practicing at times when you are not in a rush to go somewhere,  eg.  bath time, weekends.  This allows more time to practice,  time for you to show your child what to do, and opportunity to practice over and over.

Show your child how to do things the same way each time: 

Eg.  shoelaces.  It is easier to learn if you tie the laces the same way each time.  it is also easier if you stand behind them to show them the way that they will do it.

Gradually reduce the amount of help you give:

When starting to learn how to do something your child may need lots of help. Eg.  learning to use a knife, help position their fingers in the right place to hold a knife,  demonstrating the cutting action,  and give lots of reminders.  Gradually take away this assistance so that you only need to supervise or remind them occasionally.

Use rewards as encouragement:

Rewards can be very simple eg.  praise,  an extra hug,  or an extra privilege, eg.  watching an extra half hour of TV/iPad, or more play time.  Rewards may also be things, eg. A book or favourite food for dinner.  if your child gets dressed by themselves every day of the week, then you could give them a new book or cook their favourite meal.  Having a chart to show what they need do each day can work well. 

If your child continues to have problems in self-care (eg. toileting, dressing, grooming, using a knife and fork),  it may be helpful to ask an occupational therapist for more ideas. 

Ms Janelle Schembri | Diverse Learning Coordinator