Winter Book Club

Chapter 12: What parents can do now 

I have written and spoken on occasions about my own challenge of raising children. I started with twin boys who were identified as having ADHD and dyslexia. They were full of energy and life, but it was an ongoing challenge to wrangle that energy, to ensure that it had a constructive focus. There were two others not far behind who were also lively personalities and added to the complexity of the mix. I have so many happy memories of their childhood and their teens. I also recall many times when I reached frustration point or when I questioned my ability to parent.

With this in mind, I resonated with the metaphor of gardener in comparison to carpenter. We can’t craft our children in the way a carpenter can craft an object. There is an element of unpredictability and hence, delightful surprise, that comes with raising each child.

Extending this metaphor of the gardener, we want to ensure the environment in which we are raising our children is rich and nourishing. We need to also limit competing weeds and toxins. Haidt provides many practical suggestions for managing the impact of technology on children during this critical phase of development. He includes what we want to limit (screen time and access to social media) and what we want to enhance (experience of real-world situations and relationships and healthy habits).

As we move into the school holidays, it can be harder for parents, who are still trying to juggle their own demanding lives, to maintain good boundaries around their children’s digital lives. It is worth planning and establishing expectations ahead of time, especially if there are things that will be different to term time.

One thing that especially challenged me as a parent was a sense of guilt, that somehow I wasn’t doing a good enough job. There are always so many recommendations for what we should or should not do. Managing our child’s engagement with technology can be another arena in which we can also experience feelings of guilt. We need to be kind to ourselves and be realistic with what we can and cannot manage. We can also do a lot to support and encourage each other in our parenting. 

Jodie Bennett

Principal